CRIME DOESN'T PAY
The next time you're about to steal a quarter from a public fountain, think again. A man in Naples, Fla., was arrested last week after some incredibly bored shopper called the police to report the theft of coins from a fountain. The 43-year-old man was found with 42 cents, arrested, fined $100 and taken to jail on a $500 bond. (Naples News)
ALIENS ARE REAL
Former NASA astronaut Dr. Edgar Mitchell has once again stirred the conspiracy pot by claiming that the U.S. government has covered up the fact of alien contact for the last 60 years. Mitchell, 77, a veteran of Apollo 14 and the sixth man to walk on the moon, says his information comes from old military men who were at the UFO crash site in Roswell way back in 1947. "I happen to have been privileged enough to be in on the fact that we've been visited on this planet and the UFO phenomenon is real," Mitchell told a radio interview last week. He described the aliens as "little people who look strange to us" and warned that their technology was so advanced that if they were hostile "we would be gone by now." Not surprisingly, NASA denied the entire story. "NASA does not track UFOs. NASA is not involved in any sort of cover-up about alien life on this planet or anywhere in the universe," said their spokesperson. (discovery.com)
INSANITY IS REAL
So if aliens are real what have they been up to recently? Just ask Stephany Cohen, 42, a former police officer in the United Kingdom who claims that she has become a messenger for aliens who are able to give her intense orgasms at any moment. According to Cohen, the aliens are "Grays" from the planet Cirus D, which is approximately 150 light years away, and they have come to Earth to bring advanced knowledge to the human race. Of course, instead of actually giving this knowledge to people who might be intelligent enough to use it, the Grays from Cirus D have chosen Cohen and her partner, a 57-year-old plumber. "I don't know why they have picked me. But they are not to be feared. They are very loving, intelligent, and will only present themselves to those who accept them," she claims, adding that the Grays can give her strong orgasms by sending her a sexual energy which is 10 times as powerful as that produced by humans on Earth. She also claims that she is only one of a long line of Gray children to be born on Earth, a lineage that includes William Shakespeare, Charles Dickens, Nelson Mandela and Jesus Christ. (thisislocallondon.co.uk)
HOW TO ESCAPE THE TOURIST HORDES
Who has the toughest job in the world? It might just be Hamood Massam al-Yakoubi, the head of the Iraqi Tourism Board. Yes, Iraq really does have a tourism industry and last week al-Yakoubi met with about 200 other tourism operators, hoteliers and officials for a conference to discuss ways to lure back the tourist dollars that once came from around the world. Last year 95 percent of visitors to Iraq were religious tourists from Iran. The other 5 percent must have booked the wrong holiday by accident. (Times online)
The town of Musiri, India, has come up with a novel way to keep its citizens from urinating in the streets. The residents of that town are now being paid to use the public urinals and can earn about a dollar a month if they keep the streets free from pee. Apparently the urine is also being collected and being tested for its efficacy as a crop fertilizer. (Reuters)
NEXT STOP: PRISON
Police in Miami had to arrest a man last week who was stealing buses and then driving the routes, picking up and dropping off passengers along the way. James L. Harris, 18, was charged with three counts of grand theft even though he returned all of the buses at the end of each shift. (news4jax.com)
ANY EXCUSE TO GET DRUNK
According to some Web site I found somewhere (look it up, I think it starts with a bunch of w's or something) Aug. 13 is Blame Someone Else Day, Aug. 18 is Bad Poetry Day and Aug. 30 is National Toasted Marshmallow Day.
I-READ-IT-ON-THE-INTERNET-SO-IT-MUST-BE-TRUE FACT OF THE WEEK
Men are six times more likely to be struck by lightning than women.
More bizarro news at CuriousTimes.com.