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Consultant, advise thyself

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Michael Brown's downfall was disastrous, but at least he was able to use it to pad his resume. The embattled former head of the Federal Emergency Management Agency, who resigned from his position following widespread accusations of incompetence during the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina, announced last week he is undertaking a new career consulting businesses on disaster preparedness. His reasoning, according to an interview with the Rocky Mountain News, is that there is actually a demand in the corporate world for people who have screwed up royally in their chosen field."I think people are curious: 'My gosh, what was it like? The media just really beat you up. You made mistakes. I don't want to be in that situation. How can I avoid that?'" he said.

Brown said several companies have already signed on for his services. BW is not one of them. On the contrary, we're more inclined to use this opportunity to flex our shtick-muscles. When asked to finish the sentence "Hiring Michael Brown as your disaster preparedness consultant is like..." our team of office slander experts crafted some gems including: "Hiring Michael Jackson as your babysitter," "Having Joan Rivers recommend your plastic surgeon," "Letting George W. Bush write your term paper" and "Asking Eddie Murphy to pick out a hooker." Have another idea? Send your suggestions to news@boiseweekly.com. We'll print the best few next week. Barring that, we'll subject you to more of our own.