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Brave Soldiers Preparing for Battle
  • Brave Soldiers Preparing for Battle
Factory workers have long struggled with increasing levels of automation in production lines. Robots are statistically better welders, painters, bolt-tighteners and product-movers than humans could ever hope to be. However, those losses are justified by better business models, better products, etc... that we humans benefit from. And we tell ourselves that it's fine, there are some activities you just can't program, which will always remain human territory. Bar games like foosball, for example.

Well loyal readers and players of bar games, it turns out we're all in trouble.

Roboticists at the University of Freiburg and the Technical University of Denmark have developed evil foosbots that can only be beaten by expert human players, the only possible purpose of which is terminator-type technocratic tyranny of the table. Evil cameras track the evil balls, so evil robot foosmen can move in perfect evil formation, performing evil push, pull, bank and snake shots. We have now seen the future of foosball, and it is dark.

But it's not too late. Boise foosball hooligans can still save the sport by getting their skills in top shape at The Dutch Goose tonight, where Idaho Foosball trains for the resistance on Tuesdays. Sign-ups are at 7:30 p.m., followed by partner draws and then competition at 8 p.m.

And if you're thinking it's fine, you can go next week, just remember that rodeo bulls thought they were safe too. They were wrong.