Opinion » Minerva's Breakdown

Bi, Felicia

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Dear Minerva,

If I occasionally enjoy having a lady join in the fun with my boyfriend and I, does that make me "bisexual" or just "bi-curious?" I seem to be straddling some sort of line. I do love a woman's body and thoroughly enjoy these encounters. My boyfriend has been supportive of my curiosity and has always been in on the fun. We've been together for 13 years in a fabulous relationship. Our trysts have always been positive and have never caused any trouble. I hope to continue having these encounters. I honestly struggle with wondering if this makes me bisexual or not. Please give me your thoughts.

—Bi or Curious?

Dear Bi,

Your sexuality is your own to define. Common understanding of these terms would point in one direction. Someone who is bi-curious is someone who has not experimented with it but has just thought or fantasized about it. Once you take the plunge, you are experimenting at the very least. Perhaps you are "heteroflexible," but it sounds like you enjoy other women. There is a stigma associated with bisexuality. That shouldn't stop you from claiming it as your truth if you feel it is. I don't think that simply having your boyfriend present changes that. You don't have to claim any label if you don't want to and ultimately you make your own rules. Sexuality is often fluid (with research to back it up). After all, just because you eat a carrot once in a while, doesn't mean you're a vegetarian.