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BEWARE OF STUPIDITY • HOW TO CUT THE CHEESE • ANOTHER PROBLEM WITH TAKING THE BIBLE LITERALLY • TAKING YOU FOR A RIDE • I'M JUST NOT IN THE MOOOOD FOR HUMANS • DYING TO BE SLIM • TONIGHT'S SPECIA

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BEWARE OF STUPIDITY

A group called the Michigan Lawsuit Abuse Watch, which tries to protect victims of lawsuit abuse, has released the winners of their 11th Annual Wacky Warning Label contest. This year's winner was found on a small tractor with a label that warned "Danger! Avoid Death." Second place went to an iron-on T-shirt transfer that warned "Do not iron while wearing shirt." Honorable mention was given to a warning label on a Vanishing Fabric Marker that advised: "The Vanishing Fabric Marker should not be used as a writing instrument for signing checks or any legal documents." Check out photos of these labels at Mlaw.org.

HOW TO CUT THE CHEESE

Science will solve all our problems. Australian scientists are working on a plan to reduce greenhouse gas emissions by modifying cow farts so that they no longer emit methane. No, really. Apparently, kangaroos have a bacterium in their stomachs that gives them environmental-friendly flatulence, and the scientists are hoping to transfer that bacteria to the guts of cows and sheep. This plan will also supposedly make the digestive tracts of these animals more efficient, potentially saving farmers 10 to 15 percent on feed. A 400-page, $27 million United Nations study on animal farts found that the world's livestock release 18 percent of total greenhouse gases, making them more destructive to the environment that all of the world's vehicles combined. (The Age)

ANOTHER PROBLEM WITH TAKING THE BIBLE LITERALLY

In Hayden, Idaho, a man cut off his own hand and cooked it up in the microwave because he believed it bore the mark of the beast. "It had been somewhat cooked by the time the deputy arrived," said sheriff's Capt. Ben Wolfinger. The man is currently under observation at the mental health unit of Kootenai Medical Center. Apparently, this guy had been reading the Book of Matthew, which advises that "if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away." (AP)

TAKING YOU FOR A RIDE

Shanghai police arrested a thieving taxi driver last month after uncovering a scam in which he hid a guy in the trunk of his cab and had him steal all the valuables in the passenger's luggage during the trip. (China Daily)

I'M JUST NOT IN THE MOOOOD FOR HUMANS

A 4-year-old girl in Britain who had never been able to speak due to a rare genetic condition is now chatting up a storm with animals. Rose Willcocks had never said a single word to her parents and was diagnosed with a form of autism thanks to her inability to interact with humans, but in the company of animals, she turns into a different person entirely. "There was something about animals that made Rosie connect," said her mother. "We could barely get her to make eye contact or moan or groan, but here she was, chatting like an old friend to the cows and horses." The family now has plans to go to the United States for therapy that will include swimming with dolphins in order to help Rose continue to improve. (Daily Mail)

DYING TO BE SLIM

A survey carried out by Fitness magazine found that 23 percent of women would be willing to shave their heads or spend a week in jail in order to be at their ideal weight, and 83 percent of women would rather have an 11th toe than be 50 pounds heavier. Not too surprising, but 21 percent of women also claimed that they would be willing to take a full 10 years off their lives in order to reach their ideal weight.

TONIGHT'S SPECIAL FROM HELL'S KITCHEN

A bar in Chicago has plans to begin selling the world's hottest chicken wings, a dish so hot they will require customers to sign a waiver before they dig in, agreeing not to sue for injuries. The creation is the brainchild of chef Robin Rosenberg, who has spent a few years perfecting the recipe based on the world's hottest chili peppers. "This isn't the right sauce for everyone, but for someone out there, this is going to be absolute heaven," said the chef. "Of course, for a handful of people, it's going to be hell." The wings will be served with an alarm bell on the side, for the times when some macho fool realizes he's made a huge mistake. (Reuters)

I-HEARD-IT-ON-TV-SO-IT-MUST-BE-TRUE FACT OF THE WEEK

It is illegal to say the phrase "Let's overthrow the government" in Canada.

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