WORK IS FOR SUCKERS ... I MEAN SLACKERS
A French economist faces a disciplinary hearing with her employer after publishing a book called
Hello Laziness, a treatise about "the art of doing the least work possible for your employer." Author Corinne Maier has been accused of attempting to "rot the system from within" with her advice for what she calls "neo-slaves" of middle management and the "damned of the service industry." Her book includes great chapter titles such as "The Morons Who Are Sitting Next To You," "Business Culture, My Arse," and "Why You Can't Lose By Resigning."
SO IF YOU EAT AT A McDONALD'S FIVE MILES FROM YOUR HOME YOU'LL BE EVEN
The Sun UK has created a handy chart for you to clip out and stick to your fridge that will remind you of how far you would have to walk in order to work off the excessive calories in your favorite junk food. Nutritionists calculated that you would need to walk almost 10 miles in order to work off the 1,411 calories in a Big Mac Meal, six miles to walk off a KFC meal and about 3.5 miles to walk off a plate of fish and chips. In comparison, eating a stick of celery only requires only a short 0.013 of a mile walk.
SHOW US YOUR SILICONE
After barring a woman from a Chinese beauty pageant because she had spent something like $13,000 on plastic surgery for her new face, organizers decided it was time to create a beauty pageant for the Michael Jackson generation. And so, this October, China will host the world's first Miss Plastic Surgery event, a contest designed specifically for those who can get a note from their doctor proving that their beauty is only a sixteenth of an inch deep. The Chinese have also announced plans for a beauty pageant for the elderly, as 55-year-olds and up will compete for what must be the longest pageant title on earth, the "Zhen'ap Cup National Contest of the Beauty of the Gray-Head Group." Meanwhile, back in the United States, Juliette Rizzo, 36, of Rockville, Maryland, has been crowned Ms. Wheelchair America. (ncbuy.com)
HIS OTHER T-SHIRT SAYS "I AM A STUPID IDIOT"
A drug dealer in the U.K. faces 30 months in jail after tips from the public caused a police raid of his home. Apparently this dimwit had been walking around town wearing a T-shirt that reads "I am a dealer." A subsequent search of his home found almost $10,000 worth of crack, cocaine and heroin hidden in his bedroom. (The Sun UK)
PLEASE DON'T STAB ME IN THE FACE OR CROTCH
As the economy continues to suffer and the crime rate continues to rise in Japan, and enterprising company has developed stab-resistant coats and sweatshirts. The clothing looks ordinary, but is made from fiberglass and a material called "Specter" which is used in bullet-proof vests. But buying the illusion of the feeling of safety is not cheap. The tops cost around $500 for children and over $800 for adults. Japan has suffered a string of gruesome and violent crimes in recent months, and statistics show that 2003 was a record year for crime in that country, up a whopping 23.4 percent from the previous year. (Asian Pacific Post)
BE CAREFUL OR YOU'LL SOON LEARN THE WORDS "INCARCERATION" AND "TORTURE"
A Japanese businessman flying to Dayton, Ohio, last week managed to have the flight stopped in Chicago after a passenger noticed him write the words "suicide bomb" on a piece of paper. Authorities were alerted and the man was taken off the flight for questioning. He was released without charge after explaining that he was reading the newspaper in order to learn English, and he likes to write down words he doesn't understand so that he can look them up later. (local10.com) :
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