Opinion » Bill Cope

Ask Bill

Does it take a plot to make these guys look dumb?


Cope you maggoty cat puke,

This is the third time I've written you a letter but don't get to thinking we are amigos or something. Because we are not. I have decided I hate your ilk even more than I hate musicals and NPR. I ask myself every day why lame stream medium ilks like you and Rachel Maddow won't just admit how Barack Hussein Obama is the worse thing that ever took a squat in the White House, then I have to remind myself every day how libtard freaks like you and Maddow don't care what happens to the U.S. of A., not as long as you can get a lesbian or a homo or a Muslin or a black person another job in the government telling us white guys what to do. You probably won't be happy until you get a black Muslin lesbian elected president, will you? That's just how sick you are. You and Rosie O'Donnell.

I agree with Ann Coulter. Somewhere or other, she said, "We have better black people on our side than their black people," or something like that. She was talking about what a great black dude that Herman Cain is, and about how to become a conservative black dude, he and the other conservative blacks had to go against all the rest of his family and neighbors and the whole black bunch of libtards that always think they should be Democrats instead of being patriotic to our country that gave their kind a home when they needed one. And then what do you lame stream cow pies do but find some sleazoid women who say Herman got a little sexual harrassy back once upon a time before he knew he would be running for the president job. That makes me so mad, I feel like doing some wheelies on a sissy soccer field. And I would if my truck was running.

What I want to know, Cope, is why won't you lame stream medium ilks leave our president runners alone? You don't hear Sean Hannity or Bill O'Reilly saying any nasty stuff about your precious Hussein Obama, do you? But no, soon as one of our runners looks like he's gonna take off and get ahead of that LDSer, out comes the smear tackles. You use those lame stream tricks and now you got Rick Perry so flustered he can't remember how to talk, and you made Donald Trump look like he's even dumber than Rick Perry, and here you got Newt Gingrich trying to explain how he loves this country so much that God told him it was OK to cheat on one wife after another until he found one who appreciates the value of a Tiffany's charge card, and now you got those sleazoid women calling Herman Cain a woman grabber. I am beginning to think there is a plot going on, so that you and Rachel Maddow and all the rest are scrambling up our runners one by one until there's no one left but that LDSer, which I will vote for if there is no one else, but goddamn I sure hope there is some one else.

So Cope, you wart on Airy Annie Huffingpuff's ass, do you have the guts to admit there is a plot or not?

--Signed: No Friend Of Yours, Dick from Homedale

Dear Dick,

Goodness, your letter has given me so much to think about. For instance, I would love to explore that "brother from another mother" relationship Herman Cain claims to have with the Koch brothers, especially since Justice Clarence Thomas seems to have close ties to the Kochs as well. Odd coincidence, wouldn't you agree ... for a man whose entire legacy can be summed up in two words: "Anita" and "Hill." Given the fact that both men have a peculiar way with the ladies that, shall we say, leaves them vulnerable to accusations if not cash settlements, one wonders what it is that the Kochs look for in their friends, black or otherwise.

Also, at some future time, perhaps we can explore Ann Coulter's reasoning that conservative blacks have better values and stronger characters than liberal blacks, having had to endure such torments as telling their mommas that they were thinking of voting Republican. And here all that those brainwashed Democratic blacks had to put up with were voter suppression, Jim Crow segregation, fire hoses, attack dogs, vicious mobs, the Klan, beatings, bombings and murder. Good thing Cain and Thomas stayed away from all that civil-rights folderol, eh? ... even if they weren't shy about taking advantage of the gains their lefty counterparts accomplished.

But my first duty is to answer your question, which is (if I have it straight) why are we media people picking on your candidates until they come apart like cheap toilet paper in a triple flush? The answer is quite simple, Dick. We don't want to see any of them become president. It is patently obvious--at least to us "lame stream medium ilks"--that with one possible exception (that being the "LDSer" you mentioned, and believe me, we don't like him any better than you do), there's not a one of them either intellectually or temperamentally qualified to lead a band booster's club, let alone the free world.

And yes, if you must know, there is a plot. Rachel and I got the whole gang together--Keith Olbermann, Katie Couric, Dan Rather, all the libtard columnists and commentators, all the news people from all the news sources except for that one you listen to--and we hatched a plot. I can't remember who came up with our primary tactic, but essentially, it is this: "Show the American people that these candidates are so stupid they don't even understand they are too stupid to be president." So far, it's working.

And as to the LDSer, we'll have plenty of time later to work on him. You know, after he's the only one left.