Opinion » Bill Cope

Ask Bill About It

Cleaning out my in-box

To whosever is boss of that so-called paper what I call Boozy Weakling, this is for that sniveling dogbutt-snorkeler Bill Cope, who is the moroniest lying libtard that ever got some idiotical "newspaper' to put his traitor words out where stupid "sheeple" can read them,

Your times running out, Cope. This is the beginning of the end for femmy pukes like you, you stinking Markist, Mao-sucking sissy! I told you Donald Trump was going to be president, and now he is, now that he smunched out all of those establishedment candidates. And it's nothing but bad news for you and your kind, which has been turning the Uniter States of America into such a craphole of illegal Muslims and raping Mexicans and trendsgendlered toilet phonies! You are going to find out what it feels like to be not listened to like what has been happening to us real Americians!

It's like what I told my wife last night. She thinks its alright for women to want there to be a woman president just like it is for us patriots to want a man for president, as long as he's white. She was sounding a lot like you, you lezzy-lipped hippy afterbirth of a steaming pile, because she was all yappy-yappy about how Donald was saying old crooked Hillary was playing the "woman's card." Belinda gos, "If saying your'e a woman whos' cares about what other womans care about is playing a woman card, then deal me in!"

So I say, "Belinda, you don't know any more about playing cards than that Hillary, what I call "Hill-0-Reeks" Clintan knows about how to be a Camander-in-Cheif! It's like what Kenny Rogers says about cards, "You got a know when to hold 'em, and you got a know when...

Gotta cut you off, Dick. The last thing I need right now is another load of your bullshit. I'd rather finish this up with a friend, so I bid you good-bye. And a word to the wise concerning your Belinda: The evidence to how wrong you are is right there under your nose. Better start paying more attention or you're going to lose more than the election.

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Hi-de-hi, Willy Billy buddy. This is me. Anonymous from the Cope's-Latest-Column Discussion Group and I am so mad right now I feel like stomping my foot. It's that darn Dottie again. I don't know why I let her get to me like I do, but it hurts my feelings so awful because I think she does it on purpose. It's like last night when we were having our latest meeting of the Cope's-Latest Column Discussion Group? Well, we're a little behind like about three weeks behind since I thought it was a decent thing to do to call off our meetings while Mr. Hamperstein was in the hospital getting better from his heart attack, because since his wife passed away two years ago, I know how much he enjoys coming to them and discussing things, except for Dottie. If he'd had that heart attack during one of our meetings, I would be sure it was because of how mad she makes him. But no, he had it while he was mowing his lawn which he's really too old to do, but he's stubborn and doesn't like it when anyone tells him he's too old to do anything.

So anyway, he's a lot better now, and so we had our first meeting last night since he's been able to drive again, and we were discussing that column where you're telling your mushy-mouthed friend Red how that Donald Trump is really a bully and a coward and isn't tough at all except for how he talks, and Dottie started blabbing on about how great things will be once that he gets into the President's office and gets rid of all the good stuff President Obama has done. You know, like the Obamacare and stuff. Well, I was getting pretty darn peeved, let me tell you, because she just rattled on and on, and Mr. Hamperstein was getting redder and redder in the face and he crumbled up the cookie he was holding because his fist got so tight, and nobody else could say anything so I just decided to butt in. And I said, even though it absolutely has me waking up at night all shivery from thinking about how maybe she's right and that awful man is going to be the next president God Forbid, I said "Dottie, what makes you so sure Donald Trump is going to win?"

And you know what she said? She looked me square in the eye like she was talking about me instead of to me, and she said, "Because only stupid losers would ever vote for that Hillary witch." And that's Mr. Hamperstein stood up and...

Excuse me, Anon, but I'm going to have to cut you off, too. I'm running out of space here.

I want to thank you for all your support over the years. And listen, dear, we may not get a chance to talk again for quite some time, so I want to get this said: Don't let yourself get all shivery thinking about Donald Trump becoming president. I don't see it happening. Four out of every five Hispanic people think he's a prick... forgive my language... nine out over every 10 black people think he's a prick and 70 percent of women think he's a prick. Educated people of every color and creed think he's a prick, and even a good number of Republicans think he's a prick. There just aren't enough ignorant, aging, disgruntled white guys to pull it off. I think we're OK.

One last thing, my friend. You might want to think about starting a new readers group... club... whatever you want to call it. Your Cope's-Latest-Column Discussion Group is about to... shall we say... run short of anything to discuss.