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Ask Bill About It

Dick Hearts Donald


To that big plop of pig poop Bill Cope who stands for everthing what America DON'T stamd for,

I got one word for you, you lousy libtard lump of licky loser lard. PREISDENT DONALD TRUMP!

Now dont' that make your sphnicter clinch up and your lips get all quirvy? That's what you said last letter what you like to do to patriotist Republcians when ever you said 'Preisdent Hillary Climton." and now I can do it5 back. PRESIDENT DONAKLD TRUMP!!! HA HA HA

I know you hate him for what he stands for everthing you hate, being such a anti-white MAN, anti-rich people, inffeminant loser, but youd' better get used to seeing him on the news everday because he will win all the primarys and cocksus and then kick the peewaddling out of you're Hiallry in ever state there is and become president! We will finaly have a presdient who will make America great again, un like you're Barrack Obama which made America the laughing sock of the whole world. Donald Trump is the smartest MAN who can see how much rape is going on from all those Mexcans what are running around, and he will turn those ISLIS Muslims into sand jam because he's not a Munich appleaser like your'e Kenya baby Obama.

So there you go, Cope, you punky pinko piss ant perved-up puke. When DONALD TRUMP is presidnet, you can say good riddance to your Obamacare, your commy Cubaner buddys, you'r gay marrages, you ayatoller friends in Iran, your Lily Ledbelly Act, your abortions, your femnyists, youranti-gun tiranny, your war on Cristmas, yourMBNSC, your Plant Parenthood, because he will get rid of them ALL! That's what Donald Trump will mean to you, you sadsack Barney Sandler snot clot. HA HA HA!!! How does it feel?, you boring buttball blowwad of rotted socialism brain butter! HAHAH A!!!!—signed, Dick from Homedale


My oh my, Dick. I didn't realize you have such a knack for alliteration. I can't decide whether my favorite is "lousy libtard lump of licky loser lard," or "punky pinko piss ant perved-up puke," but in some circles, either one would be considered sheer poetry. Too bad the only "poetry" you people have over there on the right is that infantile cowboy junk.

Now, about Donald Trump. Believe me, Dicky, I understand what a thrill it is to make statements I know will infuriate the other side. I've been doing it for years. In fact, I began this column to do just that very thing—infuriate right wingers.

And it's been so easy. Sooooooooo easy. For instance, all I have to say is "gun nuts," and I can sit back and enjoy the rising steam. It's like I have my own private Old Faithful. There are so many ways to do it. "Ronald Reagan was a lying, crooked moron who almost made Richard Nixon look good." Or, "Once these stupid tea baggers all croak, we'll add Barack Obama to Mount Rushmore." Woo-ee, it's like I can hear their testicles grinding together the minute I get the words on paper.

And look, it's not that I believe Barack Obama shouldn't be on Mt. Rushmore, or that Reagan wasn't a lying, crooked moron. Or that gun nuts aren't nuts. But it's no fun saying it to other "boring buttball blowwads of rotted socialism brain butter," because, of course, they already know it. No sir, the pleasure is in saying it to you guys. Like the crack I made earlier about "infantile cowboy junk"—truth is, there wasn't a reason in the world to say that, except to get the cowboy poets crowd hot.

So yeah, I get it. "PRESIDENT DONALD TRUMP" would indeed give us lefties the "sphnicter clinch" and "quirvy" lips... if we thought for a second there was a chance it might come true. But Dicky, it takes more than an absurd fantasy from the drooling Republican base to scare reasonable people. By picking the most hated man in America as the nominee, simply because he is the most hated man in America, you guarantee he will never be president. It's like that sexy daydream you have of seducing ... say, Angelina Jolie. It just sets you up for the worst kind of failure in the real world.

But let's just pretend for the moment that, miraculously, Donald Trump did become president—that he got through the primaries and "cocksus," and that during the campaign, it came out that Hillary actually did get those guys killed in Benghazi and Bernie Sanders dropped out and went to live in Cuba, and that all the other Democrat candidates were proven to be insane, or child molesters, or bank robbers or something, and the only one left was Trump.

Do you even know what you'd be getting, Dick? Does anyone really know what goes on in this asshole's head? After all, there is absolutely no consistency to anything he says, no evidence of thoughtfulness behind his thoughts, no integrity to any of his claims, no hint that he is capable of real governance and no substance to his character. Certainly, we all agree, he is the exact opposite of Barack Obama. But is that the only qualification your sort need to replace Obama?

If it is, you're not patriots. You're children.

By the way, one of the methods I use to get conservatives riled up is to make up imaginary characters who exemplify the sheer stupidity coming from the right. In other words: You, Dick, are a device whose only purpose is to enrage those of whom you are an exaggerated representation.

Hey, not that I don't believe real conservative characters are any smarter.