To that sissy-fried intesticle worm named Bill Cope what I call "Ill Dope" because youre a mentally sicko dummy,
Boo-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! I hope you are so depressed that you are still laying in your pink kitty girly bed pajamas crying like a fat ugly girly boy. If you were in front of me which I hope you never are because I'ld hate to catch your'e ebola snot, I would laugh out loud in youer' fat ugly face like I already did in this letter. You are the most loser in everywhere Idaho except for that what I call "Ass Jam" Balukoff loser. I if were you would be ashamed to ever be seen here again outside that what I call the "Nerd End" in Boise where I also hope they all are so depressed they can't even wipe the bird poop off their ugly Preesus cars. Since you too stupid to figgure out...
Dick, I'm afraid I'm going to have to cut you off. This is my first column after learning the results of the election and I need to vent some heat or I'm going to melt.
But first, let me make something clear. Dick, you are a dumbshit. I've been pretending throughout our correspondence that I had some respect for you, that maybe I was even a bit fond of you—but that was all a lie. To me, you're just a dumbshit and nothing but a dumbshit. Considering that you are an imaginary character I created to represent the non-imaginary dumbshits of Idaho, you have managed to shock even me, as you have turned out to be a bigger dumbshit than I could have ever dreamt up. Your stupidity has taken on a life of its own. Which, I suppose, means you continue to represent the real dumbshits of Idaho more accurately than I could have imagined, seeing as how in this election, they have proved themselves to be more staggeringly stupid than I would have thought possible.
And this brings me to why I cut you off, Dick. I need to get this said now, while I still feel it most intensely. I never thought I would say such a thing, but after what this bunch of hickabilly fools did Nov. 4, there's no other way to cut it. I am ashamed of the people I share this state with.
It's not even that I'm dismayed they once again chose an essentially useless lump of cowboy fakery for governor over a man I sensed truly could have improved the future for the dumbshits' kids, if not the dumbshits themselves. Frankly, I expected Otter would win. He's been fooling the fools for nearly 40 years, and he's good at it, if nothing else.
No, this newer, deeper level of shame I feel for the willfully ignorant rabble of Idaho springs primarily from the outcome of three state races: secretary of state, treasurer and, worst of all, superintendent of public instruction. For all the sanctimonious drool from the mouths of Idaho Republicans about how they can't tolerate corruption and abuse of power in government, the dumb bastards turn around and elect one of the most corrupt, heavy-handed, abusive thugs in Idaho memory—Lawerence Denney—to the office that we rely on for fairness and impartiality.
For all the empty talk about how they can't tolerate incompetence and malfeasance in government, the dumb bastards turn around and re-elect the man—Ron Crane—who fumbled millions of dollars from the state treasury—not to mention his limousine spree in New York City for he and his wife—all on the dumbshits' dime.
And for all the pious gas about how the quality of our children's education must be Idaho's first priority, the dumb bastards turn around and elect a lying, plagiarizing soap bubble—Sherri Ybarra—who doesn't even know the name of the office she was elected to. (Yes!... Ms. Ybarra referred to herself as the "Chief of Schools"... gad!)
Even more disgusting than the shambling Republican herd, which hasn't the brains to distinguish civic discernment from party affiliation, are the 60-percent-plus of those who could have voted but didn't. Of the (roughly) 1.2 million eligible voters in Idaho, only 38 percent showed up at the polls. With an (approximate) average of about 60 percent of that pitiful number voting for the winners, it boils down to less than 23 percent—a little more than one out of five of Idaho's adults—who have been allowed to crap freely on everyone else's plates. I can't help but think those 750,000 or so "adults" who sat home on Election Day deserve what's coming to their worthless, lazy, ignorant asses.
It must also be said, I am proud of the people of Ada County. Yeah, good ol' 1A. Not only did Democrats hold onto their seats—actually increasing their representation with a win in Lewiston—but neither Ybarra, Denney, Crane nor that useless lump of cowboy fakery could carry the capital city. Ada isn't the only county with fewer dumbshits than discerning adults, but of course, it's by far the most densely populated, and possibly has more of the state economy concentrated here than the other 43 counties combined. Perhaps we should be looking into getting our own secretary of state, "chief of schools" (duh), and treasurer. We all know we could get by just fine without Butch Otter. Let the dumbshits from the rest of this state wallow in their own backwaters.
Finally, it's a good thing Idaho has more going for it than its people.