Opinion » Bill Cope

Ask Bill About It

Anny Rand shrugged (off)


To Cope who is like that stinky goo what drips out of a garbage truck what has sit out all summer in the sun,

Now what do you have to say, you dummy libtard? About Paul Rayn. You know what it means? It means Berry-"caca" Hussane Obama might as well hand over the keys to the White House right now and save us all the trouble of going to the voting place for voting against him. He is histrey, and I don't mean the good kind either. That's because Paul Rayn is the perfect runny mate for that Mitt Romney because what Romney don't have in the way of people liking him, Paul Rayn does. And you know why? Because Paul Rayn doesn't look like a meth freak when he grins like Romney does sometimes, and because Paul Rayn is a regular dude what pulled himself up by his pant straps because he follows the philoshopy of Anny Rand, who is my all-time favorite arthor as soon as I get time to sit down and read something what she written. I been busy lately trying to keep Belinda from running off again and me trying to get into the Caldwell Rodeo all at the same time, so I have not been reading much lately since high school and even then I only read the last page so I could make the teacher think I knew what the book was about and mostly it worked since that's one class I didn't flu ...

Hey, wait a minute. You did it again you buttinski perv. If I told you once I told you at least twice that stuff like this isn't not your business. So butt out!!!!

I think a Demo-"crap" like you probably never read any Anny Rand books because if you did, you wouldn't be so stupid. But according to people I know who told me they know what she's talking about, it sounds to me like Anny Rand is just what this country needs now even though she's dead. But her sprit lives on in men like Rayn who don't think the goverment should be doing any damn thing to help whatever those are what can't help themselves. And that means no more welfare queens and Obamacare and socialist security, all of which cuts into my workers comp what I earned.

And another thing about Paul Rayn. He's the smartest dude in the whole Rebuplican Party, that's what I heard. He's so smart he invented a budgit what will make the deficit go away. It's called the Rayn Budgit because it's named after him. And he is a stud also because he works out all the time with excorsizes. That must make a pantywaste like you and Barney Frank freak out, knowing we are about to vote in a real stud what will be just a heart attack away from being president if that Romney is really as tensed up as he looks like. So go hose yourself, Cope. You lose. And so will Berry-"caca" Hussane Obama.

--Signed: Dick from Parma

P.S. Did you notice how I changed his name to Berry-"caca"? My brother thinks there ougt to be a teeshirt what says "Flush Berry-"caca." I think so, too.

Dear Dick,

I see you've mastered the proper lettering of Mitt Romney's name, even though, overall, your spelling seems to have become increasingly unsteady. Have you been kicked in the head by a horse anytime recently, Dick? Maybe during your attempts to strangle small cows with a lasso?

Speaking of brain glitches, I believe in your mind you have muddled Paul Ryan's name with Ayn Rand's, and produced the hybrids "Anny Rand" and Paul "Rayn." It's understandable. I often have the same problem, particularly any time that A's, N's and Y's are involved. And if you throw in an R, it's absolutely hopeless. I once wrote a 10,000-word expose on the relative unavailability of colorful darning yarns, and before the first draft was complete, I fell into some sort of coma. It was awful. I had to intern an English major to help me finish it.

Moving on: I actually did read a novel or two by Rand once upon a time. She was hot stuff among the sophomores at the university I attended. Of course, that was before we came to realize that virtually every other writer in the world was a better writer, and by the time we were seniors, most of us had outgrown her. That is typical: to have been enthralled with Rand's notions at an early stage in one's intellectual and moral development; then--as we cross over what I call the 19-to-20-year-old hump--we mature away from her haggish and horrid "philoshopy."

Yet your Ryan doesn't seem to have crossed that hump until just recently, apparently when he realized there was a possibility he might be Romney's VP pick. Previous to that, perhaps he was working out his studly pecs and abs too strenuously to consider what the Republican base would think of a man who bragged about his immature infatuation with a strident Russian atheist.

That's right, Parma Dick. To her last breath, Rand was an atheist who denied there was any moral obligation for the fortunate to attend to the welfare of the poor, the sick, the lame or the meek at heart. Her attitude on the subject: "If any civilization is to survive, it is the morality of altruism that men have to reject." Were that quote set to music it would be the anthem for Romney's Republican Party, don't you think? It is the Darwinism, not of enlightenment and growth, but of hyenas and spiders.

Well, Dicky, I must close for now. Got some serious pantywaisting to do. But you keep working on those T-shirt ideas, ya' hear? I do believe that some day it could pay off for you. Certainly more than calf strangling ever will, I suspect.