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Anarchy in the Streets • Crappy Christmas Tunes • The Best Reason Yet to Start that Diet

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ANARCHY IN THE STREETS

One of my favorite areas of research recently is stories which suggest that the more "safety" measures we are forced to use, the less safe we actually are. Like the recent study which showed that wearing a bike helmet increases your chance of being hit by a car because drivers give you less room if you are "protected" by a helmet. There is an entire field of study called "risk compensation" which claims (basically) that the more safe you feel, the more risk you'll take and the more time you'll end up spending in the hospital. Well, engineers in the Dutch town of Drachten have taken this idea to its logical extreme by removing almost all of the traffic lights from 12 of the 15 intersections in the town of 50,000. According to the mastermind of this idea, traffic planner Hans Monderman, the experiment rests on the belief that if driving is perceived to be more dangerous, then drivers will naturally be more careful and cause fewer accidents. Sounds nutty, but so far, the town has had amazing success, with not a single fatality in the seven years since the traffic lights were replaced with roundabouts and only a few small accidents. As Monderman explains, "We want small accidents in order to prevent serious ones in which people get hurt ... It works well because it is dangerous, which is exactly what we want." (The Telegraph)

CRAPPY CHRISTMAS TUNES LEAP THE SPECIES BARRIER

I know all you animal lovers out there treat your pets better than you would ever treat your friends and family, so I'm sure you're already searching for that perfect Christmas gift. Look no further than PetCDs.com, where you can order some great (did I say great? I meant lame) music produced specifically for your pet. The company who makes these CDs has actually carried out animal market research to compile songs that pets supposedly like. For example, 200 dogs judged the songs which ended up on a CD called Songs to Make Dogs Happy! This site also sells CDs for cats, birds and pink dolphins, and includes short samples of songs such as "Jingle Fish," "We Wish You a Squeaky Christmas," "Doin'It Doggie-Style," and "Litter Box Boogie."

THE BEST REASON YET TO START THAT DIET

According to Dr. J. Francois Eid, director of the Male Sexual Function Unit of New York Presbyterian Hospital, eating fatty foods that lead to cholesterol-saturated blood and hardened arteries will shorten your penis. Studies showed that blood supply is reduced when arteries are lined with cholesterol, and this lack of blood has a dramatic effect on penis size. Dr. Eid claims "for every 35 pounds of weight loss, there is an apparent increase in penile length of 1 inch" Hmmm, that means I could weigh 28 pounds but have a 10-inch dick ... groovy. (AP)

GOT WATER?

Great news if you're still in elementary school. A new study claims that chocolate milk is just as good at helping athletes regain their strength after exercising as those high-priced "power" drinks. We'll ignore for a moment that milk is only supposed to be consumed by baby cows and the fact that this study was carried out by the Dairy and Nutrition Council of America. Nevertheless, the experiments showed that athletes who were drinking the chocolate milk between workouts performed just as well as athletes drinking a fluid-replacement drink, and around 50 percent better than athletes drinking a carbohydrate replacement drink. "My way of explaining it is, there's really nothing magic about the powder in a can that you mix with water," said a fitness instructor. "It's water, carbs, proteins, maybe minerals and electrolytes. What's in chocolate milk? The same thing." (Yahoo News)

TOO HOT TO SLEEP

How come the global warming alarmists never warned us about the bears? Russian media reports that "insomniac bears" are freaking the crap out of people in Siberia as the weather is still too warm for them to hibernate. Apparently there are still flowers and buds on the trees of the Kemerovo region of Russia, which is usually covered in snow and ice by November ... and bears continue to roam the countryside looking for food. (CNN)

I-READ-IT-ON-THE-INTERNET-SO-IT-MUST-BE-TRUE FACT OF THE WEEK

After being decapitated, you will remain conscious for about 15 to 20 seconds, whereas a cockroach can live for up to nine days without its head, only dying after it has starved to death.

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