Mr. Cope's Cave: Dear Ashley Judd...


Loved you in that one movie. Can't think of the name of it right now, but you know the one I mean... where you were in bad trouble because something happened... which I can't exactly remember what it was but it was really bad... and that bad guy was coming after you and we were wondering how you'd ever get yourself out of it, but just at the last minute, you figured out a... wait! Now that I think about it, I may be thinking of Charlize Theron in that one movie. Sometimes I get you two mixed up.

But that's not why I'm writing anyway. I want to commend you for this new mission you've taken on. You know the one I mean... the one where you're standing up to these cyber tweeter trolls and demanding they start behaving like something other than the diseased punk-ass twisted shit-for-brains deviants that they are. I saw you talking about it on a news show, and... and... Christ, I hope it wasn't Charlize Theron I saw and just thought it was you.

Anyway, assuming it was you I saw and not Charlize Theron. it's a good and worthy thing you're doing, trying to get these conscienceless worm turds to be held accountable for the things they say about other people on the Internet. Sometimes I wonder if the evolution of all this social networking is coming at the expense of humans devolving back into 140-character baboons who have rediscovered the pleasure of throwing their own feces on whomever displeases them. Don't you?

Seriously, what's next? Like, if they discover how to teleport matter like on Star Trek... which, by the way, I saw you on that one time when you and young Wesley Crusher had that thing going on... will these miserable puke Facebook bullies then be teleporting piles of their own steaming poop to people they want to harass? Instead of threatening to violate you for something as innocuous as daring to comment on a stupid basketball game, will they be sending clots of their semen to your teleport address? Will they be beaming not just pictures of their penises to women they are trying to offend, but their actual penises? Makes you wonder, doesn't it?

So yes, you... and Monica Lewinski, too, by the way, but you probably already know about that... are doing a righteous thing, standing up to these mutant scaly jackal scum. However, I have to wonder if it's the right way to go about it.

I mean, my impression of these puss-bloated open sores that pretend to be men is they are such insignificant, snot-based, oozing losers that whatever attention they get... even if it's the recognition of being the lowest, vilest form of life the universe has yet produced... is the only attention they will ever get. Think about it... can you even imagine such icky trash ever accomplishing anything in life? And what woman could ever learn to like, let alone love, such walking vomit as these bullying underwear stains?

What I'm thinking is, for creatures this vile and disgusting, it's entirely possible that they will interpret you calling them out as a sign you really dig them. I can almost imagine the insectoid cretins watching you on television talking about what asswads you consider them to be, thinking to themselves in their desiccated little reptilian brains, Oooooh baby... Ashley Judd thinks I'm hot! 

And forget about shaming such vermin into taking responsibility for their actions. You might as well be trying to shame a stinking sack of cat crap into not stinking.

But Ms. Judd, I don't want you to think I'm trying to talk you out of anything. Do what you think is right and decent people will be with you. I just have my doubts anything could ever stop these... these... oh dear, I've run out of metaphors for them.

Anyway, I have my doubts anything we do will ever get them to stop. I, myself, simply refuse to read anything they put on comment sections, letting them play with themselves down there in the mud, unnoticed and unheard. And I will have nothing to do with Twitter and all the rest of that nonsense. The way I see it, there's way too much sharing going on. Especially by people who have nothing worth sharing.

Best wishes to you and Monica, though. If there's anything I can do, just let me know.

Oh, and if it is Charlize Theron I should be talking to, would you please pass this on next time you see her. Thanks