Mr. Cope's Cave: Just When You Thought Your Legislature Couldn't Get Any Dumber...


In last Friday's chapter of " Just When You Thought Your Legislature Couldn't Get Any Dumber..." I neglected to say anything about the main reason I started this series in the first place. Anybody remember what it was?

Yeah, I didn't think so.

So I started this series in the first place as a means of identifying individuals in the Idaho Legislature who might be considered for the title of "Official State Dumbshit." I should have specified it to be "Official State Dumbshit of 2015," as it would be grossly unfair to exclude from the running such notable dumbshits out of Idaho's past as Steve Symms, George Hansen, Bill Sali, Helen Chenoweth, Larry Craig... oh my goodness, the list is endless.

Nor should we forget that, whatever may happen this year in terms of sheer dumbshitedness, the possibilities of even dumbershitedness coming from future Idaho officials cannot be ignored.

So it's best if we confine this competition to one year's worth of stupidity at a time. Make it sort of a traveling trophy, as it were, like the Stanley Cup, or maybe "Ugliest Bartender."

With that in mind, let us review the other nominees before we move on to today's featured dumbshit. First in the series, and the inspiration for the title of Official State Dumbshit, was Ken Andrus, the legislator who told young Ilah Hickman that her yearslong effort to make the giant salamander Idaho's "Official State Amphibian" were for naught, because he had not "gotten past" his childhood impression that the creatures are ugly, slimy and creepy.

Second was Vito Barbieri, who just last week embarrassed Idaho by either: 1) asking possibly the most ignorant question to ever come from the mouth of anyone over 3 years old, or 2) asked his ignorant question rhetorically as part of his crusade to impose his own morality on Idaho women's right to chose in regards to their own medical and reproductive decisions.

If it was the first explanation, that would make him a dumbshit of astounding proportions. If the truth is in the second option, he is still a dumbshit, only it earns him the additional title of "asshole."

Now, today's entry to this lineup would be Rep. Christy Perry, a Republican from Nampa... (surprise, surprise!)... and it concerns her statements regarding proposed legislation that would repeal religious exemption laws that allow fundamentalist brutes the right to do whatever the hell they want with their children, up to and including murdering them by denying them medical care no matter how sick or hurt they are.

Yeah. Seems like a no-brainer, doesn't it?

But as we know, whenever a no-brainer is called for, Canyon County is always eager to provide. I call this chapter...

Who Are We To Question God's Ruptured Spleen?

Ms. Perry is among those fighting the repeal of the religious exemption, ostensibly because her constituency includes the Followers of Christ, that twisted moron death cult responsible for decades of unnecessarily deceased kids—kids who died in the kind of torturous agony that only Mother Nature can provide—i.e., appendicitis, pneumonia, strep, etc.

However, judging from her statements, Perry actually believes herself that the Followers of Christ have a point.

"Children do die," she said. "I'm not trying to sound callous, but people want to act as if death were an
anomaly. But it's not. It's a way of life."

In other words... some kids just got it coming to 'em.

Perry maintains these people... these sadistic assholes who sit back and watch their children die in the name of what can only be some slathering, flesh-eating monkey god... are cozier with childhood death than less righteous parents, because, "They are comforted by the fact that they know their child is in Heaven. If I want to let my child be with God, why is that wrong?"

Ladies and gentlemen, I believe Perry has provided—unknowingly, of course—the textbook answer to what makes a dumbshit a dumbshit. But without that particular textbook at hand, I must try to recite it from memory: A dumbshit is a dumbshit by virtue of the fact that there can be no argument, explanation, elucidation, line of logic, reasoned debate, alternative path, thought experiment, extrapolation or projected consequence that could possibly convince a true dumbshit that he (or she) is wrong in every possible way in his (or her) conviction—wrong intellectually, morally, ethically, sensibly and theologically—simply because if he (or she) was not an irredeemable dumbshit, he (or she) would have already thought of it.

Again, lest you forgot, Christy Perry is one of the people entrusted with running the state where we live. And even worse... if it can get worse than Christy Perry... there are people who live near to us who voted for her.