Mr. Cope's Cave: The Very Last Time I Say 'Super Bowl' This Year


I came by Monday morning, but you weren't here.

Yeah I was.

You didn't answer the door.

Well... no. Sometimes I don't.

Were you sick? Hungover, maybe?

No, I wasn't sick. And why would I be hungover?

You know... the Super Bowl.

I didn't watch the Super Bowl.

Not even any of it?

OK, a little. I switched over now and then to see who was ahead. And I watched the last minute or so.

Wasn't that a dumb play Seattle ran? I can still hardly believe...

Excuse me, Junior. But are we anywhere near to being done talking about the f***ing Super Bowl yet?

Well gosh, Mr. Cope. I'm not the only one. Did you hear it was the most watched television thing in all of the universe's history?

I heard something to that effect.

So you do follow Super Bowl news. At least, just a little?

It's not so much "follow" as "can't get away from."

But you watched the half-time show, I bet.

Actually, yes. My wife told me when it came on because she thought I might want to see it. So, yeah, I switched over and watched. Some of it, anyway. Up until I stopped watching it.

Wasn't that something? Have you ever seen anything like that in your life?

No, I have never seen anything like it in my life, and yes, it was something.

You didn't like it. You're being sarcastic.

Well for hell's sake, Scrappy. Didn't you think it was a little... uh, I'm looking for the right word here... oh, I know... stupid?

What are you talking about!? It was spectacular! That's what I think it was. She came riding in on a giant lion, for gosh sakes. You don't see that everyday.

No, you don't.

And then she sang with dancing beach balls and happy sharks!

Yes, I saw it. Happy sharks.

I mean... it was like... gosh, it was like...

Yeah, I know what you mean. It's like it made you wish you were 4 years old again.

Well I suppose you could have put on a better Super Bowl halftime show.

OK, you're right. I'd be an absolutely lousy Super Bowl halftime putter-oner. I can't even imagine anything that would hold the attentions of 150 million football fans for 20 minutes. And I don't think I want to. So I guess it's a good thing they didn't ask me.

Mr. Cope ... did you just imply that football fans are... uh... what's the word I'm looking for here, uuuuuh...

I don't know. Did I?