Mr. Cope's Cave: Buck the Duckeyes


Who were you for, Mr. Cope? The Ducks or the Buckeyes?

Are you seriously asking me another sports question?

Uh, yeah. But I thought this might be a sports question you would have some interest in, Mr. Cope.

And why would you think that?

Because I know you lived in Ohio once. And that's where the Buckeyes are from... Ohio. But now you live close to Oregon. And that's where the Ducks are from.

So, because I did, or do, happen to live in geographical proximity to a football team, that would mean, somehow, that my disgust for the sport and everything that goes with it would be suspended whenever that team manages to get into some allegedly special game that is only being played because: 1) football fans are so immaturely obsessive they can never get enough of their juvenile distraction, and 2) the sports industry is more than happy to provide a longer and longer season, even if it means contriving artificial competitions and rivalries and loyalties where none existed before, and convincing simple souls from one end of America to the other that, somehow, it is important to find out which is better... the Ducks or the Buckeyes?

Um, I suppose if you're going to put it like that, uh... I guess I can assume you didn't watch the game.

Well, actually... yes. Some of it. I did switch over to it a few times just to see who was winning.

Then, about your disgust for the game... would you say that you overcame it, or that you managed to work around it, or what? What exactly did you do with all that disgust when you were switching over to see who was winning?

Look Junior, I would hope you can understand that someone can be disgusted with something, and still be curious about it.

And your curiosity was stronger than your disgust? At least, while the game was being played?

I guess you could say that. It's like Miley Cyrus.

Miley Cyrus?

Yes. Miley Cyrus. A person's disgust for Miley Cyrus might know no bounds, yet he can still be curious about whatever the hell it is she's done this time.

I see... I think.

But it certainly doesn't mean I would ever become a Miley Cyrus fan.

Of course not.

And it doesn't mean I would ever feel the need to choose one of Miley Cyrus' half-witted antics over the others as my favorite.

No, I wouldn't think so.

So, now that we have that figured out, let me ask you... who were you for? The Ducks or the Buckeyes?

It's Ducks. All the way! Woo-hoo Ducks!

Poor you.