Mr. Cope’s Cave: Truckin’-ulent

by

So, Mr. Cope? Are you feeling better? You sounded pretty down in your blog Friday.

I don’t wanna talk.

Gosh, Mr. Cope. That election was almost a whole week ago. You can’t go on being so depressed about it. “A fella’s gotta pick himself up and keep on truckin’,” That’s what my dad always says.

I don’t wanna talk. Go away.

Well… OK. I could do that. Oooo-r… we could work on that two-man play of ours. Stuff Mr. Cope Makes Up… you know? You’d probably feel a lot better if you made some stuff up.

Go away. I don’t wanna talk. I don’t wanna make stuff up. Go away.

Ah, Mr. Cope. You have to cheer up. I’m worried about you. And anyway, that election really wasn’t so bad if you just look at it another way.

How… in… the…hell!… can I look at it so that it’s not so bad?

Well… OK. Maybe you should just focus on what happened up in Lewiston. Democrats actually picked up a seat in the Legislature, did you know that? And it was because a Democrat beat a Republican incumbent in Lewiston. That should make you feel better, huh?

A little. Yeah. But not enough to wanna talk. Now go away.

Then how about you find some music to make you feel better. You like music, I know you do. All those dead musicians you’re always putting on your blog, you know? Well, why don’t you get some more of your favorite songs and stick them up for your readers to hear? It always makes people feel better about themselves when they share with others. Right?

Screw music. Screw my readers. Screw you. And go away. I don’t wanna talk.

Oh I see. It’s boo-hoo-hoo for Mr. Cope. Poor old Mr. Cope. Poor, pooooo-r old Mr. Cope. All he can do is cry and pout because one dumb election didn’t come out his way. Boo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo.

I repeat. Screw you.

Boo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! And now you know how all those Republicans felt after the 2008 election, don’t you? And the 2012 election, too. And what did you say to the Republicans back in 2008 and 2012 when they were boo-hoo-hooing all over the place?

I said “Screw them.”

Well don’t you suppose that’s what they are saying to you right now. “Screw you, Mr. Cope! You lost, you loser.” And don’t you suppose it makes them even happier to know you’re just moping around, boo-hoo-hooing all over the place? Don’t you suppose that’s part of what makes winning elections feel so great, because the winners can say “Screw you” to the losers? And don’t you suppose it would take away some of their happiness if they thought you were picking yourself up and keeping on truckin’?

Um… maybe.

And don’t you suppose that’s why it’s always going back and forth… you win, then they win, then you win again, then they win again… because each time someone loses, they pick themselves up and keep on truckin’?

Um… maybe.

And don’t you suppose that if you don’t pick yourself up and keep on truckin’, well then, they win forever.

Um… maybe.

And will that make you feel better?… to know they will win forever, all because you can’t do anything but boo-hoo-hoo all over the place, instead of picking yourself up and keeping on truckin’? Is that what you want?

Um… no.

OK then. So what are you going to do instead of boo-hoo-hooing all over the place? Huh?

I’m… uh… I guess… um… maybe I’m gonna pick myself up and keep on truckin’. I guess.

I can’t heeeeea-r you.

I’m gonna pick myself up and keep on truckin’.

Again!

I’m gonna pick myself up and keep on truckin’!

AGAIN!

I‘M GONNA PICK MYSELF UP AND KEEP ON TRUCKIN’!

Al-righty, Mr. Cope! That’s the spirit! Now, do you have any comments on Mitch McConnell being the new Senate majority leader?

Guuuuuuuuuuh… go away. I don’t wanna talk.