Mr. Cope’s Cave: Dear Who Do I Talk To Down At KBOI?

by

Whomever it is, I want to say thank you. From something I read a day or two ago in the pages of Boise Weekly, I know a fellow named Dan Pratt is general manager down there, and that’s who I probably ought to address. But I’ve never met Mr. Pratt, don’t have any idea what he looks like, and when I’m writing something like a “Thank You” note, it’s easier to address it to a face I’m familiar... oops! I just checked that name and excuse me, it’s Don Pratt. Not Dan. Sorry, Mr. Pratt.

But that just goes to show what I’m trying to say here, that it’s easier to address a known face than an unknown one. If you don’t believe me, try writing a sincere sounding birthday card or a note of condolence to somebody you’ve never met or seen. Now, you guys being a television station and all... which I watch, by the way... I suppose I could have started this whole thing with something like “Dear Vin Crosby.” Or “Dear Natalie Hurst.” Or what I would have preferred, “Dear Deni Hawkins.” For those who watch KTVB or KIVI, Deni is that young lady who does the weather sometimes, and some reporting sometimes, and a little of this and a little of that, and she has a real appealing way about her that would be easy to picture in my mind as I write this “Thank You” note.

But, she’s relatively new down there, and I wouldn’t want to creep her out by making her think there’s this old fart in town who she’s never met and who is writing thank you notes to her for something her employers did and that I’m sure she had no part in. Plus, Mr. Don Pratt might get to thinking Hey what the heck’s going on here? I should be the one getting the Thank You note, not the new weather girl! And the last thing I’d want to do is get Deni in some kind of trouble, know what I mean?

Although, I’m sure Mr. Pratt isn’t the kind of guy who would let a little thing like that bother him. That’s not what I’m trying to say, either.

Anyway, whoever this applies to down there at KBOI, I want to say thanks for dropping those stupid ads, as reported in last Wednesday’s Boise Weekly by George Prentice. For those who watch KTVB or KIVI, a week or three ago, KBOI started running these stupid ads for their own channel in which they bragged about how they were “Keeping government off the backs of Idaho.”

And there was an even stupider one that bragged how they... KBOI people... were protecting Idaho people from rotten-ass, out-of-state politician people who dared come here and mess with our health care. You know, exactly the sort of blow-hard buffoonery we have come to expect from our rotten-ass, in-state politician people.

Well, as you can imagine, I hit the roof when I first heard those stupid ads. I thought Good honk! Ain’t it bad enough we have to listen to our dumbshit local yokel mutual back-scratch club (i.e., the Republican Party) blow anti-government, anti-Obamacare smoke out their ignorant asses!? Now the television news people I watch every evening are crooning the same stupid Libertarian Canyon County hickabilly tune!

Even worse, I was beginning to think I’d have to find a new channel to watch for local news! Which wouldn’t be easy because I already threw KTVB out the window years ago. Ever since Carolyn Holly and Larry Gebert and those guys made me feel like I must be some kind of out-of-sync loser freak just because I don’t hysterically pee my pants every time the damn Broncos play a damn football game.

So after seeing those stupid KBOI commercials for the first time, I said OK KIVI, here I come! Which I forgot to do the next evening because I’d gotten so habitualized to having KBOI on for the news, and every subsequent time they’d run the stupid commercial, I’d have to say it all over again—OK KIVI, here I come!

Then, just about when I was starting to remember to switch to KIVI for the local news, along comes George’s report that you guys were dropping the stupid Libertarian Canyon County hickabilly ads. In fact, general manager Pratt seemed somewhat surprised the way those stupid ads turned out, telling George it was not his intention "to create a spot that creates an impression of bias.”

He also told George, “We want to clarify our viewer advocacy position of keeping government open, honest and accountable,” and hey! Who can argue with that, huh?

One teeny question, though: So why didn’t you start with the part of the government that’s right here in Boise? You know, the one that at the moment is all together under one roof just down the street, as a matter of fact, instead of implying that it’s always those out-of-staters (spoiler alert: the Feds) who are on “Idaho backs.”

Really, am I the only Idahoer who feels I have a heavier weight on my back from local yokel politicians than I’ve ever felt with the Feds? I mean, it ain’t the Feds that imposed voter ID laws on Idahoans, is it? It ain’t the Feds who closed Idaho’s Republican primaries to all but the faithful, and who’s denying Medicaid to thousands and thousands of worthy Idaho backs?

And let’s see, it ain’t the Feds who wanted to put gays in the “OK To Discriminate Against” box, and it ain’t the Feds who made it illegal to do any meaningful activism to get dairy factories and cow torturers to be a little more “open, honest and accountable.” And it sure as hell ain’t the Feds who keep trying to sell Idaho public school students off to privatized education interests.

And as long as we’re on the “open, honest and accountable” subject, wouldn’t a little more of that concept be welcome with our local corporations and oligarchs? Seriously, you KBOI people—or anyone else with a television station and a news crew—couldn’t we Idahoans stand to know a bit more about why Idaho Power is trying to freeze renewable energy sources out? Or... as my intrepid editor Zach Hagadone reports so well in last Wednesday’s paper... where all the dark money, and even darker legislation, is coming from that keeps showing up in the hands of that barn of bozos we call the Idaho Legislature?

And wouldn’t it be nice to know who it is that’s keeping a pest like Wayne Hoffman—him with his precious little Idaho Freedom Foundation—from having to go out and get a real job?

But hey, this has run on a tad longer than a proper “Thank You” note probably oughta. So I’ll wrap it up here, and you’ll be pleased to know that, at least for the time being, I’ve decided to stick with you guys instead of running over to KIVI.

Oh, and one more thing: To Deni Hawkins. I am definitely not a creepy old fart. At least, not in the way you may be thinking right now. And I am definitely not stalking you. And keep up the good work. And I don’t mean that in a stalk-y way.