Mr. Cope’s Cave: Hillary’s To-Do List

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Today will be the first entry in a series I plan on running for a long, long time. A very long time. I’m titling this interminable series “Hillary’s To-Do List,” and it will suggest—one suggestion per entry—things I would like to see Hillary Clinton get done in the eight years she serves as President of the United States of America.

(Let us pause a few moments at this juncture and relish the mental picture of right-wingers gagging on their own sour fluids over the prospect of another President Clinton.)

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OK, enough relishing. Back to the serious matters that must occupy serious people in the days and years to come. And let me say before I go any further that the “Hillary To-Do List” is no reflection on President Obama or my faith in his intentions to do the right things. I still consider him the best president in my lifetime...

(I must pause a few more moments here so that we might relish the mental picture of right-wingers dropping to the floor quivering like beached squid in a fit of rage and consternation.)

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...the best president of my life time, but there is still a question whether he will ever be able to accomplish much beyond what he has already accomplished with the intensity of resistance he has encountered with the House of Representatives, controlled as it is by men I can hardly consider little more than gibbering apes—which, of course, hinges on whether there were any ape varieties with hearts as vile and souls as shriveled as these assholes.

I applaud Obama’s decision to bypass the apes and use the executive order as a tool for policy change. But with such obtuse obstruction as only such asshole apes would provide, I fear whatever gains he makes over the next three years will be incremental and insufficient. Unless, of course, decent Americans come out in sufficient numbers this coming November to rid the Congress of this scourge of asshole ape control.

However, whether that happens or not is unpredictable at this point. It is much easier to predict that not only will Hillary run for president, but she will win overwhelmingly, as the gibbering asshole apes will undoubtedly put forth the most ridiculous gibberer amongst themselves to run against her.

What’s more, it will come as no great shock that—it being a presidential election cycle—voters, especially women voters, will come to the polls in such numbers that the remaining dregs of the 2010 off-year election will be swept from Congress... (Let me change that to “mopped from Congress,” as I understand dregs to be something sloppy, stinky, damp and disgusting—and what better way is there to describe the Tea Party?)... mopped from Congress and replaced by such a resounding majority of Democrats that Hillary could legalize marijuana if she so wished.

Of course, she won’t wish that. This is Hillary Clinton, after all, not Bill Maher.

But my point is, between Hillary, Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi, I see wonderful things ahead. Wonderful education things. Wonderful environmental things. Wonderful science things. Wonderful civil rights things. Oh my goodness, it will be such a pleasure to experience. And the prospect of having the gibbering asshole Tea Party ape dregs all herded back to the damp, stinky fringe where they belong... drooling down their chins with rage and consternation... pissing themselves in their eternal, mindless Koch brother-funded rancor... will just make it that much better.

Wheeeeeeeeeee! Can’t hardly wait!

As to “Hillary’s To-Do List,” I will trust her and Sen. Reid and Speaker Pelosi to attend... (Oops! What say we take another moment to let that picture sink in for our right-wing readers.)

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As I was saying, I will trust President Clinton and Sen. Reid and Speaker Pelosi to attend to all the big stuff. But with 30 years of Reagan-polluted politics under America’s belt, there have accumulated a great many lesser issues. Not so noticeable issues. The Public Broadcasting System, for instance.

But let’s save that for the next installment of “Hillary’s To-Do List?” I believe I have given our right-wing fringe friends plenty to slobber over for one day.