The Best Thing on the Internet: Pepper Spray Product Reviews


The flames of outrage were fanned in Davis, Calif., last week when riot police pepper-sprayed a crowd of nonviolent student protesters. At the core of the populist backlash was an image of Davis Police Lt. John Pike that showed him pepper-spaying protesters as casually as if he were watering a garden.

That image went viral, spawning countless parody images of him casually pepper-spraying everything from Renaissance paintings to Britney's hoo-ha. Pike has been placed on administrative leave.

But by far the best response has been the boom in product reviews for pepper spray on Amazon.

Here's one example:

I casually used this product to try to disperse a small band of nonviolent campers who had locked their arms together. Although initially it seemed to be effective, it took two applications! The worst part is that the next day, they multiplied exponentially! Now what?

One positive outcome, I did receive a paid vacation for my efforts.

And another:

When I feel threatened by students, no matter how unarmed, peaceful and seated they may be, I know that Defense Technology 56895 MK-9 Stream, 1.3% Red Band/1.3% Blue Band Pepper Spray has got my back as I casually spray away at point blank range.

It really is the Cadillac of citizen repression technology.

Buy a whole case!

And another:

This pepper spray is awesome! When used in a public area for the whole world to see, it causes Republicans to instantly forget the basic principles of freedom the country was founded upon.

Several addressed Fox News anchor Megyn Kelly's statement that pepper spay was a food product.

After Megyn Kelly's assertion that pepper spray is a food product, Congress amended the Agricultural Appropriations bill to classify pepper spray as a vegetable in school lunch programs. As I am a teacher, I have purchased Defense Technology 56895 MK-9 Stream, 1.3% Red Band pepper spray for use in my classroom. When necessary, I deliver a healthy stream of vegetables into the faces of students who show inappropriate behavior, stemming, as studies have indicated, from poor nutrition. What a fantastic supplement!