“The FDA should’ve banned this on taste alone,” proclaimed an official BW taste-tester during our investigative video report into the effects of Four Loko—and the drink’s recently banned caffeinated malt beverage peers Tilt, Joose and Core—on general good judgment.
With 11 cans of toxic, syrupy booze before us, BW staffers embarked on a journey that began with descriptions like “ash-tray-esque,” “barfmouth,” “Mountain Dew left in a Big Gulp under a frat boy’s bed,” and ended with a candle-lit Viking funeral procession down to the Boise River.
As we soon found out, Four Loko is definitely a hazard to public health. It leads mildly reasonable adults to write ukulele theme songs and recite the Gettysburg Address—“Four Loko and seven beers ago”—wearing paper top hats and beards.
Here's the official BW PSA detailing the adverse effects of these candy-flavored beverages on our once upstanding reputations. Brought to you by Idaho's only independently owned and operated malternative newsweekly.