Surveys consistently show that roughly 80 percent of people think they have a novel in them waiting to be written. However, Kurt Vonnegut once advised a young writer of his acquaintance that novels were a lot of arguably unnecessary work.
"Write a play, lamb," he said. "You don't have to describe your characters in depth. Simply put words in their mouths and your producer hires graceful fascinating people to speak and move. How long is a play? About 100 pages. And a lot of every page is white space."
Other tidbits of advice were that the use of exclamation points is like laughing at your own jokes (Boise library and enthusiastic facebookers take note) and that "semicolons are transvestite hermaphrodites representing absolutely nothing. All they do is show you've been to college."
And while punctuation aficionados often take issue with the second two, it's pretty hard to argue with the first bit. The average script is 20,000 words; (Yes, I've been to college) the average novel 80,000. And are 80 percent of people really able to craft up someone even remotely as dreamy as
Clint Howard Robert Pattinson?
But even with that huge leg up, it certainly helps if the words you put into your actors mouths are good 'uns. Anyone who saw Twilight, knows there's only so much Mr. Pattinson can do.
So today, round 6:30 p.m., why not swing by The Idaho Pizza Company, for the monthly meeting of The Idaho Screenwriter's Group, where you can work out your crapsterpiece, practice your pitch and have an opportunity to discuss your picks for best best boy with some like minds.
If nothing else, it should serve as a good review for the I48 film competition coming up in a few weeks.
See ya at the talkies!