House Guests


Now that our Thanksgiving house guest has left I can vent. I live in a shared house with kids of my significant girlfriend and my own spawn. Sometimes those multi-genetic spawn invite the spawn of other genes. Most of the time it's for a sleepover, or in the case of the older spawn, a spontaneous party that sees the light of dawn.

As the oldest spawn has left for the ocean, he has occasionally brings back a friend to spend time when he visits the home stream. Only in this most recent case, it was more like a remora, those fish that catches rides on other fish.

So rather than extoll on the situation that just finished, including 3 a.m. drunken wakeups of the house guest selling Buicks in the bathroom, I will outline the general house rules and dictums that all house guests should follow. Yes, this is a very passive/aggressive approach to communicate with the remora.

1. A house guest should be invited or have permission of the house host. Showing up with the excuse that they have nowhere else to stay is not appropriate.

2. A house guest should bring a present to the house host. It doesn't have to be a big one. It's the thought that counts.

3. A house guest should notify the house host of the arrival and departure date before arrival.

4. A house guest should talk to the house host at least once or twice and keep them informed of their anticipated departure date if it should change.

5. A house guest should offer to do dishes, sweep, clean, do laundry or some other chore that can make the house host feel that they are not a burden.

6. A house guest should sit down to any and every meal they are invited to attend that the house host hosts.

7. A house guest should always do the dishes of every meal they eat at the house host's house.

8. A house guest should offer to purchase food, or even make a meal during their stay.

9. If a house guest gets the bottle flu, they should clean up completely after themselves and give the house host an additional present.

10. A house guest is graciously allowed one or two gratis bath product usages. If the house guest is OCD and/or needs more than this then the house guest should bring his or her own bath products for use.

11. A house guest should always send a thank you note after departure.

While these are general rules, the old adage has more truth than ever. House guests are like fish, after three days they begin to smell.

If you have other house rules for guest, please add them as comments.