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YOU ACT TOUGH BUT YOU SLEEP LIKE A FETUS • IF YOU'D LIKE TO SPEAK TO SATAN, PRESS 666 NOW • HOW CAN IT BE LONELY AT THE TOP WHEN YOU'RE SURROUNDED BY SO MANY PRICKS? • BECAUSE IT'S THERE • CONDOMS ARE FOR

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YOU ACT TOUGH BUT YOU SLEEP LIKE A FETUS

A British scientist who has been studying the connection between sleep position and personality traits has come up with the six favorite sleep positions and what they say about your personality. The most popular position is the "fetus" (curled up on the side, holding the pillow), which indicates a person with a tough exterior who is actually a very sensitive person; the "starfish" (spread-eagled on the back) indicates a good listener who makes friends easily; a "free faller" (sleeping on the front) has a brash exterior but a nervous personality; a "soldier" (sleeping on the back) is quiet and reserved; a "log" (sleeping on the side) is relaxed and social; and a "yearner" (on the side with raised arms) is suspicious and cynical. (The Telegraph)

IF YOU'D LIKE TO SPEAK TO SATAN, PRESS 666 NOW

Public service announcement time: the next time you need to phone a massive faceless corporation and you'd like to skip right through the half-hour maze of button-pushing options in order to get an actual human to bitch at, first head over to GetHuman.com where they've compiled a huge list of shortcuts in order to speak to a real live human being. No guarantee they'll speak your language however.

HOW CAN IT BE LONELY AT THE TOP WHEN YOU'RE SURROUNDED BY SO MANY PRICKS?

Meanwhile, a related study presented at a management conference in Philadelphia last week found that two-thirds of employees believe that bad bosses are never reprimanded and usually promoted for their domineering ways. The study's authors also claimed that spiteful bosses cause a wide variety of miserable symptoms in their staff, including nightmares, insomnia, depression and exhaustion. Silly me, I thought those were just the symptoms of having a job.

BECAUSE IT'S THERE

I doubt you need a reason for having sex (more likely you need a partner) but if you do, we now have a list of exactly 237 reasons why people have sex as compiled by the brainiac psychologists at the University of Texas. Along with the obvious ones (love, lust, boredom, revenge, adventure, excitement) here are a few more, just pick one and go for it: to keep warm, to burn calories, to fall asleep, to get rid of a headache, to relieve stress, to have babies, to feel good, to make someone else feel good, to make money, to get some exercise, to brag to your friends, to get a promotion, to get closer to God, and, of course, to lose your virginity. (Archives of Sexual Behaviour)

CONDOMS ARE FOR SUCKERS

The world's oldest father still hasn't figured out birth control. Indian farmer Nanu Ram Jogi, 90, recently witnessed the birth of his 21st child (at least) and boasts that he will still be spreading his seed until he reaches 100 years-old. Jogi admits that he may have fathered other children of which he is unaware, but he definitely has at least 12 sons, nine daughters, and 20 grandchildren. "Women love me," he says, "I want to have more children. I can survive another few decades and want to have children till I am 100—then maybe I will stop." Jogi attributes his virility and longevity to daily walks and plenty of meat in his diet.

HE MIGHT BE A LAWYER, BUT HIS CONVERSION SKILLS SUCK

A lawyer in China is suing McDonald's for 13 cents after receiving a receipt printed almost entirely in English. His lawsuit claims that his receipt "violates the consumers' right to know." Unfortunately no explanation was given for the odd compensation request of 13 cents. (Beijing Youth Daily)

BIG HAIRY DEAL

You better stop shaving right now if you want to have any chance at all of winning the World Beard and Moustache Championships being held in Brighton, England. Check out the bizarre facial monstrosities of past contestants and champions at WorldBeardChampionships.com

I-READ-IT-ON-THE-INTERNET-SO-IT-MUST-BE-TRUE FACT OF THE WEEK

A person who is in a bad mood makes a much more reliable eyewitness to a crime than a happy person.

More bizarro news at CuriousTimes.com.

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