1. It begins with, "It was a dark and stormy night."
2. The story revolves around ninja assassins, CIA covert operations or the NYPD ... and your depiction relies on what you remember from movies.
3. You heavily reference Yukio Mishima or Martin Heidegger.
4. The main character is either Buffy, Aeon Flux or Lara Croft.
5. It's written as an epic poem.
6. It's not plot-driven, but more of a 700-page "character sketch."
7. You wrote it in Klingon.