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THIS DOESN'T EXPLAIN WHY STUPID PEOPLE HAVE SO MANY KIDS • TILL REINCARNATION DO US PART •

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THIS DOESN'T EXPLAIN WHY STUPID PEOPLE HAVE SO MANY KIDS

A report from the London School of Economics claims that beautiful people are more likely to have daughters than sons, a phenomenon which is slowly changing the world so that future women will be even more beautiful and men will be even uglier. The researchers claim that attractive parents are 36 percent more likely to have a daughter than a son. They explained that this must be an evolutionary strategy that passes the most beneficial characteristics of parents on to the children. In this case, beauty is a genetic trait with much more positive power for women than for men, thus evolution tends to pass attractiveness on to females. The report went on to claim that children of aggressive, scientific parents tend to be boys, as they can use those traits to outwit competitors when it comes to finding a mate. Dr. Satoshi Kanazawa, the evolutionary psychologist who led this study, concluded that "these may be stereotypes but they are also fact ... we have shown that beautiful parents have more daughters than ugly parents because physical attractiveness is heritable and because daughters benefit from this more than sons." (The Telegraph)

TILL REINCARNATION DO US PART

Two people who have been dead for over 20 years were married last week after their families had dreams that the couple had plans to be wed. Despite never having met in their lives, Zhong Jie Nang, who died at the age of 29, and Lin Xiu Lin, who died at the age of 18, were married in a traditional ceremony at the cemetery where they were both buried. Both sides of the family claimed to have had recurring dreams which let them know that the two wished to spend the rest of their lives, er ... deaths, together. (thestar.com.my)

I WAS HAVING THIS STRANGE DREAM ABOUT HOT DOGS AND BAGELS ...

If you force yourself on your partner while you're sleeping at night, you may not simply be a horny bastard but could actually be suffering from a newly created medical condition called "sexsomnia," which is defined as "making sexual advances toward another person while asleep." Obviously this is a difficult field to research properly, but scientists assure us that it is much less common than sleepwalking, which affects between 2 and 4 percent of the population. While you would think this is a basically harmless condition, researchers claim that sexsomniacs cause serious problems in their relationships. "Most of the time sleep sex occurs between people who are already partners," said one of the world's only doctors studying this field. "Sometimes they hate it. Sometimes they tolerate it. On rare occasions, you have stories of people liking it better than waking sex." (New Scientist)

DEAD SOUL MUSIC

Ok kids, while I don't recommend you summon the dead for answers to your questions, I wouldn't be doing my job if I didn't let you know that occultists have figured out that you can use the iPod's new Click Wheel alphabet-search system to emulate the good old-fashioned Ouija board to speak to any bored spirits hanging around. Google the phrase "turn your iPod into a Ouija board," for more info. And good luck ... (Crave.cnet.co.uk)

YOU HAVE TO BE NAKED FOR THE INVISIBILITY SPELL TO WORK, DUMMY!

A wannabe bank robber in Iran learned the hard way that invisibility spells don't work after failing to get away with the cash during an ill-advised heist. "I made a mistake. I understand now what a big trick was played on me," said the man, who told police that he had paid over $500 to a wizard who performed spells on him to make him invisible. The man then went to a local bank and started taking money out of the hands of the customers, who quickly put an end to his shenanigans and held him for the police. (Metro.co.uk)

THIS IS YOUR PENIS ON DRUGS

The world's record for the longest erection ever (in time, not length) is 22 days, an unfortunate plight which befell a man in Johannesburg after he injected a substance used to combat erectile dysfunction mixed with body-building steroids. After five days with an erection, he went to the hospital, where it took a total of 22 days for the "swelling" to subside. (Bizarre Magazine)

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