THE WORST/BEST VIDEO GAMES OF THE YEAR • NEXT STOP BOREDOM • WHAT'S NEXT? UNIONIZED ELVES? • JUST TRYING TO LIVE THE AMERICAN DREAM • TODAY IS YOUR (UN)LUCKY DAY • BUYING VOTES

| December 12, 2007

THE WORST/BEST VIDEO GAMES OF THE YEAR

Detroit Prosecutor Kym Worthy has done all parents a huge favor by figuring out exactly which video games are most desired by kids these days. Worthy created her list of "10 Games to Avoid This Christmas" in order to try to spark a boycott of games that she believes are partly responsible for "the horribleness and gruesomeness of the crimes" in the United States (of course, we all remember how there was no violent crime before video games were invented). She even wrote little blurbs to encapsulate the gore for unsuspecting parents, so if you've been looking for some new action, here are a few of her recommendations: Manhunt ("revolves around the making of a snuff film"); Scarface ("involves buying and selling drugs and killing hundreds of people"); 300: The Video Game ("invites game room gladiators to slice their way through the Persian army"); and God of War ("a sea of unrelenting violence"). (Games.ign.com)

NEXT STOP­—BOREDOM

And if all that "horribleness and gruesomeness" is much too exciting for you, get yourself a copy of Desert Bus, widely recognized as the most boring video game of all time. Desert Bus involves driving a bus from Las Vegas, Nev. to Tucson, Ariz. in real time at a maximum speed of 45 mph, for a one-way journey of eight hours. The bus contains no passengers, the desert contains no scenery, and if you don't steer the bus properly, it will veer off the road and be towed back to Tucson, also in real time. A successful trip to Las Vegas will score you a single point and the option of making the return trip for another point. According to masochists who have successfully completed the mission, the only excitement in the game comes at the five-hour mark when a bug splats on the front windshield of the bus. (Wikipedia.org)

WHAT'S NEXT? UNIONIZED ELVES?

Another blow against Santa Claus, who gets a little bit less jolly with each passing year. First, they banned his pipe because smoking is "bad." Then they stopped letting kids sit on his lap for fear of molestation charges. He's not allowed to say "Ho Ho Ho" anymore because that's offensive to women, and now America's top doctor has launched a crusade to put Santa Claus on a diet because he's setting a bad example to children. "It is really important that the people who kids look up to as role models are in good shape, eating well and getting exercise," said acting U.S. Surgeon General Rear Adm. Steven K. Galson. Surprisingly, even the Amalgamated Order of Real Bearded Santas has agreed with the surgeon general, asking its 800 members to lose weight in order to set a better example to children. (Boston Herald)

JUST TRYING TO LIVE THE AMERICAN DREAM

For some reason, a recurring story over the past couple of years has been numbskulls trying to use novelty million dollar bills in order to get rich quick. This time, it's Alexander Smith, 31, who tried to open a bank account in Clearwater, S.C., by depositing the million-dollar funny money. He was promptly arrested for forgery and a bonus charge of disorderly conduct after cursing at the teller for not accepting his offer. (USA Today)

TODAY IS YOUR (UN)LUCKY DAY

Another million-dollar criminal has a court date to see if he gets to keep the winnings from a $1 million scratch ticket he bought. The problem? Timothy Elliott is a two-time convicted bank robber whose probation terms strictly prohibit gambling of any sort. Elliott was arrested after trying to claim the first $50,000 of his payout at the lottery headquarters. (Boston Globe)

BUYING VOTES

A survey of students at New York University found that 20 percent would give up their vote in the next presidential election in exchange for a free iPod, 60 percent would trade their vote for free tuition and 66 percent would give up their vote for a free ride to the university. Half of all the students were also willing to give up their right to vote forever if they were paid a million dollars. (Politico.com)

I-READ-IT-ON-THE-INTERNET-SO-IT-MUST-BE-TRUE FACT OF THE WEEK

Men with deep voices have many more children than men with higher voices.

Get way more bizarro news at CuriousTimes.com.

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