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THE RICH GET RICHER • BIG FOOT, TALL TALE • YOU'LL NEVER MAKE IT THROUGH THIS ENTIRE HEADLINE BEFORE SEARCHING FOR SOMETHING MORE INTERESTING TO READ • CONTROL YOUR RAGE LONG ENOUGH TO REALLY HURT SOMEONE •

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THE RICH GET RICHER

A new report on CEO salaries has calculated that the average Chief Executive Officer earns 430 times as much as the average American worker. This figure has steadily increased over the past 25 years, when CEO salaries averaged just $10 for every $1 the workers earned. Along with obscene salaries for the CEOs, share holders also regularly pay for perks such as cash bonuses, stock options, retirement packages, free cars, subsidized housing, corporate apartments, personal jets, free tax consulting, entertainment, dining and personal security services. Some of the worst examples of CEO bonuses are $1.6 billion in stock options given to the CEO of United Health Group, a $400 million retirement package for the CEO of Exxon Mobil (the poor guy only earns $51 million a year), and an $83 million pension for the CEO of Pfizer. And if you were wondering where the gas price profits are going, check out the salary of Ray Irani of Occidental, who earned $63 million last year, or about $120 for every minute of every day of the year. (St. Petersburg Times)

BIG FOOT, TALL TALE

Malaysian wildlife officials are claiming that rumors of a baby Bigfoot (which, I presume, doesn't have feet that are quite so big) being captured are nothing more than an urban legend. According to a Malaysian newspaper, "Bigfoot Fever" has gripped that country ever since last December when three over-sized beasts were spotted in the Johor forest reserve in southern Malaysia. Since then, various expeditions have trekked into the jungles in search of the creatures, culminating in the supposed capture of one in the town of Kota Tinggi two weeks ago. Unfortunately, government officials deny having caught one of the creatures, claiming that the entire tall tale has been fabricated by people hoping to lure more tourists to the rainforests of southern Malaysia. (Breitbart.com)

YOU'LL NEVER MAKE IT THROUGH THIS ENTIRE HEADLINE BEFORE SEARCHING FOR SOMETHING MORE INTERESTING TO READ

People who research these kinds of things claim that the more time you spend surfing the Web the shorter your attention span gets. They claim that the attention span of heavy Internet users has dropped to about nine seconds—the same attention span as that of a goldfish. (BBC)

CONTROL YOUR RAGE LONG ENOUGH TO REALLY HURT SOMEONE

Authorities in Britain's prison system will no longer offer anger management courses to some prisoners after a review has discovered that the courses actually make violent criminals more dangerous by teaching them how to hide their destructive urges. The report found that anger management classes are "wholly inappropriate" for convicted armed robbers, wife beaters, stalkers and criminals who are prone to premeditated violent attacks. The report concluded that anger management classes "have the potential to equip the offender with additional control mechanisms and increase his/her capacity to manipulate a situation to their advantage and power." (The Guardian)

GANG BANG

In Southland, New Zealand, 3,659 people got together last week to break the world record for the world's largest pillow fight, unofficially beating the record by 11 people. The previous record was set by 3,648 students at the University of Albany in 2005. (Stuff.co.nz)

DESPERATELY SEEKING BORED SPACE GEEKS

By 2008 a Californian company will be offering you the opportunity to send something into space and back for only $99. "We'll launch anything, as long as it's legal," says Michael Mealling, of Masten Space Systems. Of course, when he says "anything," he means anything that will fit into a canister the size of a pop can. They figure a lot of people will want to give the ashes of their dead relatives a ride into space. But hurry, the $99 price is an introductory offer and will be regularly priced at $199. Get yours at Masten-Space.com

"I-READ-IT-ON-THE-INTERNET-SO-IT-MUST-BE-TRUE" FACT OF THE WEEK

According to the updated "indulgences" of the Catholic Church (the Enchiridion Indulgentiarum), giving up smoking will increase your chances of getting into heaven.

Get waaay more bizarro news at www.curioustimes.com.

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