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September 29 2004

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COMMON BANDIT FINDS SUCCESS WITH TERRORIST TECHNIQUES

: A West Boise bank was evacuated and several mall-area thoroughfares were closed on Thursday, September 23 following a bomb scare instigated by a bank robber. According to witness reports, a white man in his mid-fifties, clad in a very hip phony beard made of synthetic white fur, placed a suspicious package on the counter at US Bank on Franklin Road and announced his intention to make a large withdrawal. After bagging an undisclosed amount of ducats from the tellers, the suspect escaped (without his package) in a stolen purple Saturn sedan, license plate 1ADL494, before police arrived on the scene. After closing busy sections of Franklin and Benjamin streets for approximately three hours, the Boise Police Department Bomb Squad determined that the device, like the beard, was a hoax. The suspect has not as of yet been apprehended, but is further described as being 5 feet 8 inches tall with salt-and-pepper-colored hair and wearing many layers of dark clothing. Anyone with information is urged to call 343-COPS.

DRIVE-BY LEADS TO ARREST-FEST

Four men from Idaho, Utah and Mexico have been arrested in incidents stemming from a rather urban-sounding drive-by in Southeast Boise on Wednesday, September 22. According to Boise Police, a 2002 black Lincoln sedan (a car synonymous with trouble) stopped briefly at in front of a home on Rossi St., just a half-mile from Boise State, and popped two or three slugs at the four individuals standing in the front yard. Though the time was only 11:25 a.m., the targeted thugs were packing heat instead of lunch, and responded (who wouldn't?) by chasing the car toward a nearby alley and firing as many as five shots back. A .357-caliber pistol was soon recovered from a nearby dumpster, and is being investigated for a possible connection to the crime. No one was injured in the interchange, but the legal trigger pulled by the would-be gangstas proved far more difficult to dodge than a few 9mm rounds.

Thanks to detailed witness accounts from neighbors and mail carriers, the sedan was quickly identified and stopped along the creative escape route of I-84 to Nampa. Both Sergio Rolon, 24, of West Valley, Utah and Raul Montes De Oca, 32, of Mexico, were arrested on charges of aggravated assault and firing into an occupied dwelling--the latter because a one-year-old child was inside the house at the time of the shooting. But the arrests just kept on coming. Suspecting that the assault may have been drug related, police quickly obtained a search warrant for the bullet-addled house and found two pounds of marijuana, five grams of heroin, two ounces of cocaine, $1,800 cash and a loaded 9mm in the possession of bourgeoning retailer Francisco Hernandez, 18, of Boise. Hernandez faces three counts of drug trafficking as a result of the find. Fellow target Jasmin Smlantic, 21, of Boise, was also found to be truant on two outstanding warrants of failure to appear in court.

Male+Females+Mail+a few rails=Jail

Strange tidings from a hotel room in West Boise. Boise Police responded on Thursday, September 23 to a report of "suspicious activity," busted into a flophouse, and found a curious spectacle indeed. Three Payette County perps--Dorothea Dixon, 40, Telesforo C. Olvera, Jr., 27, and Sasha Beattie, 20, all of Weiser--were inhabiting the inn with all the necessary implements for mischief around them.

In plain view on the table, some methamphetamine. Alongside it, a number of fake IDs, equipment to make more fake IDs, and a heap of stolen checks and credit cards. The icing on the cranked-out cake, though, was stolen mail from about 50 residential mailboxes in the Eagle Area. The trio, it was discovered, had been attempting to initiate an identity theft operation by harvesting those metal Christmas stockings we all hang on our front doors and fences. Luckily, detectives believe they located the enterprise before any checks were cashed. The Weiserites now face charges of grand theft and possession of controlled substances.

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