Opinion » Bill Cope

Randem Thinkings

MulletBoy's blog



What follows was offered by an independent blogger for addition to the BW web page. As BW has a strict policy of not allowing bloggers to use pseudonyms on their site, it was rejected. However, I feel everyone has a right to have their voice heard, no matter how shy, self-conscious or faint-hearted they are. I reprint this Feb. 13, 2010, posting in its entirety.

Call me MulletBoy. It is about my hair, which ain't been cut since the day I heard Rowdy Roddy Piper wouldn't wrestling no more. I wear it in a ponytail. I started wearing it in a ponytail way back before even Steven Seagal did, and mine looks better than his ever did. Even before he puffed up like a stubbed toe. When my cousin Ripster told me I ought a start a blog so's I could tell everyone what I think, and then when I said, "Hey, Cuz, that's not a half-bad idea," then I was gonna call myself PonyBoy. After my ponytail. But then Ripster says there already was a PonyBoy, and he thought it was some dude he saw in some old movie once what had that Ralph Macho dude being PonyBoy. I said "Screw that!" because I never once did believe that Ralph Macho coulda ever kicked butt like what he did in that one Kariote Kid movie he was in with that short little Japan dude, so I changed it to TailBoy. Then Ripster said, "TailBoy makes it sound like you're advertising yourself out to dudes what come to Boise for conventions and stuff," and I said "Screw you, Rip! It does not!" But I changed it to MulletBoy anyway just in case. When I take the scrunchy out, that's what it looks like, anyway. And there is nothing wrong with a mullet. Samsung had a mullet, and so did Tarzan. In my next blogging, I will tell you what I told Rip when he told me everyone would end up calling me Joe Dirt, but I think I should get to telling you what I think.

The first randem thinking I have is about that little kid what shot that other kid over to Mountain Home. The first thing I thought about when I heard that story is how all the femmy liberals would be whining about how what kind of shitty parent would leave a .45 laying around so's a 5-year-old dude could find it and go play outside with it and end up shooting that teenager dude. I could hear them whining in my head, "That's just what you get when you let Americans have guns, wah, wah."

Here is what I think. I think the real shitty parents are the ones what didn't give that teenager dude a gun to carry for himself. There were like three teenagers walking together before the one of them got shot, and not a one of them had a gun. If even one of them hadda been carrying a gun, they coulda popped that 5-year-old dude before he could stretch his little finger over the trigger. I call it common sense. Which there ain't much of around no more. Don't you hate what those femmy liberals are doing to this country? I do.

The second thinking I done was about them missionaries what went to jail for trying to take those kids to another country what ain't the one they were from. I think they shoulda been able to do it without going to jail because the way I heard it, them missionaries are real Christians and the little kids was Catholics. Ripster calls them Cat Licks, and so do I. I think there ain't nothing you can do better than snagging little kids into the huggy arms of Jesus. I think there ain't nothing more important than that, even if some butt wipe country like that Haiti place doesn't think so. Maybe if that Haiti place were more willing to let little kids be snagged away to the huggy arms of Jesus, they wouldn't a had that earthquake in the first place. Did you ever think about that?

The third thinking I have been doing is about Mallard Fillsmore. That duck what's in the funny papers. I gotta tell you, I love that duck. It is my favorite thing about a newspaper, mostly. Most of the time I get why Mallard is making jokes and it is exactly the way I think about things. I think especially Mallard is right about liberals. There is that one liberal whats all fat and femmy, you know the one I mean?

But sometimes I think I wonder if anyone ever checks to see if that Bruce Tinsley dude who draws Mallard Fillsmore is really drawing new pictures of Mallard ever day, or if he's just using the same pictures over and over with different words. It is not like anyone could tell, since nothing much ever happens to Mallard new, and he always looks about the same. Did you ever think about that, too?

Now I am done. I will be looking around for more stuff to think about, but Ripster and I have to run down to Garden City and check out a 21-foot trailer for sale pretty cheap. Some day, I will tell you more about myself if I get one of those About Me clicker places on my blog spot. I maybe will even tell you my real name. I haven't decided. For now, just call me MulletBoy. Chow.

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