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Oscar Report Card: B-Minus (Needs Improvement)

The Artist scores; Billy Crystal not so much.

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BillyBall

Billy Crystal's hosting skills are not unlike Moneyball. He hasn't been a home-run king for quite a while. Lately, Crystal hits singles and occasionally steals second. Thanks, Billy, you did just fine, but hit the showers. Can we please just hand this thing over to Will Ferrell and Jack Black from now on?

Are you satisfied now, Meryl?

Even you know that you didn't deserve the Oscar for The Iron Lady. Years from now, when you've had a few too many chardonnays, you'll let it slip that your portrayal of Margaret Thatcher was not your finest hour and that the film was rubbish.

Oh, and by the way, Katharine Hepburn still won more Oscars than you.

Now, sit down and shut up.

Jean Dujardin's win spoke volumes.

Let's face it. George Clooney doesn't need a Best Actor Oscar. He's George freakin' Clooney. He makes great movies, gets all the babes, and really doesn't give a rootie patootie if he has any more trophies.

Jean Dujardin, on the other hand, is our new international star. He's a fine comic and dramatic actor--truly The Artist.

Cirque du So What the Hell Was That?

Remind me again what spinning unitards have to do with the movies? It's a television show, people. Circus of the Stars went off the air decades ago.

The Good

More people may see A Separation, Saving Face and The Fantastic Flying Books of Mr. Morris Lessmore.

The Bad

Octavia Spencer in The Help? Really?

The Ugly

While Undefeated is a fine documentary, the Academy's egregious oversight of The Interrupters, Buck, Bill Cunningham New York and Project Nim (none of which were nominated) was unforgiveable.

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