Opinion » Bill Cope

Hating Pelosi II

Where misogyny is the 11th commandment

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Hi-dee hi, Sweetie. It's me again from the Cope's Latest Column Discussion Group, and Sweetie—do you mind if I call you "Sweetie"? I call everyone "Sweetie," so I thought why not you, too? Except my husband, who I called "Sugar." Except not anymore. He's dead and it doesn't seem right to call a dead person "Sugar," does it?

The reason I'm writing again is that three months ago, I asked why Republicans hate Nancy Pelosi so much. Remember? That was the letter where I told you about the split up between the CLC Discussion Group and the What's Cope Talking About? Club. By the way, most of the people have left the WCTA? Club and come back to the CLC Discussion Group. That woman I told you about who's so nasty told them she would serve Domino's and pops at her meetings, but by the third meeting, she was giving them Cheez-Puffs and Kool-Aid. So one by one, and sometimes by two, they are coming back to our good old cookies-and-punch group, and I am not making them feel nearly as guilty as I could.

Anywho, in your answer about why Republicans hate Nancy so much, you wrote, "it follows that along with their infantile attitudes of nationalism, faith and racial identity, we must include gender roles. Among such circles, it is natural their hatred would be directed toward smart and independent women—e.g., Nancy Pelosi, Hillary Clinton—just as it is has been among every ignorant fundamentalist sludge the species has ever belched up."

When I read that, I thought to myself, "Darn tootin', Sweetie!," (I call myself "Sweetie," too. But not in front of other people.) that sounded just exactly like what I would have thought if I'd thoughted of it first!" And it sure does explain why you don't see many women doctors and women professors and women outer space scientists in that Taliban outfit or the Baptists, either.

Then last week, I read this article by Mr. Dan Popkey about how our Idaho Rep. Mike Simpson may be trying to talk our other Idaho Rep. Walt Minnick into helping boot Nancy Pelosi out of her job as Speaker of that House. And I thought to myself, "Wait a gosh darn minute here!" I happen to like Nancy Pelosi, and I happen to think she's doing a super job. She hasn't been caught in one of those sexual scandal situations like so many Speakers of that House get caught in, and also, I think she's a heck of a lot better role model for young girls than flouncy-pants Palin or anything else the Republicans can come up with, women-wise.

But I also voted for Walt Minnick, and the thought that I voted for a man who might help boot Nancy Pelosi out of her seat makes my belly area go all quivery on me. Sweetie, could you tell me there's no way that Walt would do that to Nancy. Please please please please! It would sure make me feel better./ Yours Faithfully, Anonymous; Chairperson; CLC Disc. Gr.

Hello again, dear Chairperson,

Mind if I call you "Toots"? I have never called anyone "Toots" before but have always felt the urge.

OK then, I'm pleased to hear about your group reconstituting itself. I'm not sure why, but it was disconcerting to learn there were two competing factions dedicated to figuring out what the hell I'm talking about. The fact that your side is prevailing is, if nothing else, testament to the undeniable potency of cookies and punch.

I, too, read Mr. Popkey's article and was appalled by Simpson's suggestion that John Boehner (that awkward orange man from Ohio you see on TV all the time saying the stupidest things) would be a better Speaker than Ms. Pelosi. I wouldn't trust that creep to cut my hair.

Toots, did you happen to notice the quote from a Simplot company exec implying that Pelosi is somehow bad for business? That must come as quite the shock to Pelosi's home district, San Francisco, headquarters to at least 100 major concerns for every one that calls Idaho home. Perhaps Simpson, a son of Burley, would care to compare his grody little corner of America to Pelosi's in terms of commerce and trade. Go ahead, Mikey, tell us how Burley is better than the Bay.

Frankly, though, I can't help but feel Simpson's real issue with Pelosi is likely something other than her affinity—or lack of same—to the corporate zeitgeist. I suspect it has to do with a religious tradition that ... shall we say ... is not renowned for encouraging women to excel. Outside the delivery room, that is. And as it happens, Rep. Simpson is a member in good standing of that particular religious tradition. No need to mention the name of this sect, but should you not be sure of the one I mean, I'll give you a hint: assemble a list of the most accomplished women to come out of Utah in the last 150 years.

Not to imply that Mr. Simpson's religious brand is the only backward-ass voodoo to be represented in the U.S. Congress. The entire GOP seems to be infected with a level of spirituality that's not a full hop, skip and jump beyond kissing rattlesnakes and burning witches.

As to the matter of Simpson suggesting that Minnick might aid and abet in the deposing of Nancy Pelosi as House Speaker, all I can say is, when a politician has made it a tactic to grovel before the lowest common denominator of his constituency, nothing should surprise us.

In closing, Toots, I was sorry to hear about the loss of your husband. Was it recent? And I trust you had nothing to do with it, yes?

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