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Don't Do Anything If You Are An Idiot • Because Money Buys Hapiness • Waiting For Moving Sidewalks and Flying Cars

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WARNING: DON'T DO ANYTHING IF YOU ARE A STUPID IDIOT

A group called the Michigan Lawsuit Abuse Watch, which tries to protect victims of lawsuit abuse, has released the winners of their Tenth Annual Wacky Warning Label contest. This year's winning label was found on a washing machine which warned, "Do not put any person in this washer." Second place was found in the instructions of a personal watercraft that advised, "Never use a lit match or open flame to check fuel level," and third place was a tie between a lottery ticket that was imprinted with the warning, "Do not iron" and a cell phone that carried a sticker that read, "Don't try to dry your phone in a microwave oven." Honorable mention went to a label on the back cover of a phone book that warned, "Please do not use this directory while operating a moving vehicle." (Mlaw.org)

GETTING NAILED IN THE HAND LESSONS

A 911 call to a home in South Wales last week had the police discover a man with his hand nailed to a coffee table. Strangely enough, this news report had no other details, with police reporting that they were unsure if the incident was an accident or a prank, and that there were "no suspicious circumstances" surrounding the event. Ok ... ho-hum news, but it reminded me of a much more interesting tidbit from 2004 when a man in Harland, Maine, was forced to call 911 after trying to commit suicide by nailing himself to a home-made cross. Police reported that the man had nailed two pieces of wood together on the floor of his living room. After scrawling the world "suicide" on the cross, he proceeded to nail down one of his hands. At that point the man was forced to dial 911 after he realized that he wouldn't be able to nail his other hand to the board. Police also added that they weren't sure if the man called 911 to get assistance with his injury or to get help in nailing his other hand down. They wisely chose to take him to the hospital and remove the cross from his arm.

BECAUSE MONEY BUYS HAPPINESS

Bad news for wives ... a recent poll found that the majority of men would much rather work more and get a 50 percent raise than to work less and spend more time with their family.

STILL WAITING FOR MOVING SIDEWALKS AND FLYING CARS

According to the World Future Society (WFS.org), humanity's next step in evolution is to become telepathic. Well, sort of ... They actually call it techlepathy--techno-enabled telepathy--in which wireless technology implanted into our brains will enable us to think at each other as if we were actually telepathic. Supposedly, we are only about 25 years away from a time in which nanorobotics are wired to our neurons in order to enhance our brains with powerful computer processing abilities. In theory, we then will be able to think of what we want to say to someone, and the patterns of our thoughts will be wirelessly sent to the other person who will decode the thoughts before you even have a chance to open your mouth. As handy as this will be the next time you want to swear at the idiot driver who cut you off in traffic, experts admit that the technology might be vulnerable to spooky forms of mind-hacking (not to mention what an incredibly bad idea this is for any man who wants a girlfriend). Nevertheless, according to one "expert" at least, "techlepathy should be as safe as having a mobile phone inside one's head." Now that's reassuring!

BUT WE LIKE MESSY SEX

Professor Greg Stock, a biologist and expert on the genetics of reproduction and ageing, told the world's largest ever gathering of fertility experts that the idea of having sex in order to have babies will be dead within 20 years. He predicts that human beings will take control of their evolution by using emerging technologies to create designer babies while the "messy business" of procreation will be abandoned. "This is the beginning of the end of sex as the way we reproduce," he said. "We will view our children as too important to leave it to a random meeting of sperm and eggs." (London Express)

I-READ-IT-ON-THE-INTERNET-SO-IT-MUST-BE-TRUE FACT OF THE WEEK

In 2001, a Californian inmate was given the right to send his semen in the mail in order to artificially inseminate his wife. :

Get waaay more bizarro news at CuriousTimes.com.

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