UFOs ON DEMAND
Last week I mentioned the news that self-proclaimed prophet "Yahweh" has planned 45 days of UFO sightings near the Las Vegas desert. Now you can see a news report of his first success from the ABC News affiliate KTNV-TV in Las Vegas at www.ufodigest.com. A reporter and camera crew went out to interview Prophet Yahweh and filmed him as he began a prayer which asked the aliens to "show them I am not mentally ill." A few moments later, the cameras captured what appears to be a silver and slightly orange disc zipping through the sky at great speeds and bizarre angles. Not terribly convincing but a good start, as Yahweh promises a few more weeks of summoning the UFOs and plans a grand finale during which he will call down a massive spacecraft which will be visible to everybody in Las Vegas in the middle of July.
I'M ONLY HAVING UNPROTECTED SEX FOR THE SAKE OF THE ENVIRONMENT
Oceanographic scientists have discovered a disgusting mass of the world's discarded condoms stuck together and floating in the middle of the South Pacific about halfway between Tahiti and Antarctica. The giant wad of used condoms measures almost two-miles long, an eighth of a mile wide and up to 60 feet deep. Mason Froule, an Australian marine biologist, says that bizarre accumulations of similar materials are common in the ocean due to the effects of wind and ocean currents, magnetic fields, buoyancy and other conditions. However, scientists have never found a mass of material this enormous, and believe the condoms may have been gathering for decades. Froule said that the "reef" of condoms was matted together so densely that "you could almost land a plane on it ... it seems pretty indestructible." Experts estimate that one third of the world's 300 million condoms used annually end up in the ocean. (UK Online)
I'M TOO SEXY FOR MY COCK
Fashion designers in Austria and Japan have combined their forces to create a line of clothing for chickens. Did I say chickens? Yes, unfortunately, I did. The world's first-ever chicken fashion show was presented at the Austrian Pavilion at the World Exhibition in Nagoya, Japan, last month, where 20 chickens strutted the catwalk (henwalk?) while Mozart played in the background. The collection of chicken outfits will continue its tour with upcoming fashion shows in Tokyo, Paris, Mexico City and Vienna. Austrian designer Edgar Honetschlaeger couldn't exactly explain why he helped to create this line of fashion, but claimed that it's something you don't really need, but everyone wants to have anyway. (Ananova)
DELICIOUS WITH A GLASS OF POWDERED MILK
The U.S. Military has finally outsmarted yeast, fungus, mold and rotting meat and succeeded in creating the world's first indestructible sandwich. The pizza pocket-style sandwich can survive airdrops, rough handling, extreme climates and stays fresh for up to three years at temperatures up to 26°C, and up to six months at 38°C. The soldiers who tested the first prototype were unimpressed, giving the sandwich a rating of "acceptable." (New Scientist)
BEAT IT, CREEP!
Next time someone harasses you for your phone number, give them the number for the Rejection Line, at 212-479-7990. The answering service at The Rejection Line will gladly snub that annoying pest in your life. Here's a sample message: "Welcome to the New York City Rejection Line. Unfortunately, the person who gave you this number does not want to talk to you or speak to you again. We would like to take this opportunity to officially reject you. If you want to hear from our comfort specialist, press 1. If you want to hear a sad poem written by a kindred spirit, press 2." (www.rejectionline.com)
THERE'S STILL TIME TO CHANGE YOUR NAME
A study conducted at the University of San Diego which examined 27 years' worth of California death certificates found that people with "good" monograms such as GOD, ACE, or WOW, live over seven years longer than people whose monograms spelled words such as PIG, RAT, DUD, or ILL.
TURN THE OTHER FIST
An 11-year-old boy in Omaha who went to school dressed as Jesus for "Dress Like Your Favorite Book Character" day got into a fist fight with another boy who spent the day calling him Little Bo Peep and Heidi. The first boy had been wearing a tunic and carrying a staff. (Omaha World-Herald)