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CURIOUS TIMES MARCH 4 EDITION

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SLUMDOG NEWLYWED

Superstitious Indian villagers still aren't ready to let go of the ancient tradition of marrying your child off to an animal in order to ward off evil spirits. This time, it's an infant boy in a village near Jaipur who was married to a dog after he began growing a tooth on his upper gum, a sure sign that the boy will be prone to attacks by tigers and other wild animals. "We performed the marriage because it will overcome any curse that might fall on the child as well on us," explained the boy's father. Fortunately, the ceremony is strictly symbolic and the boy will be able to marry a human bride someday without first filing for a doggy divorce. (Reuters)

MY PRESIDENT DESTROYED THE COUNTRY AND ALL I GOT WAS THIS LOUSY T-SHIRT

Get your very own "I Survived the Bush Administration" T-shirt from printliberation.com. Now all you have to do is survive the next Great Depression and all will be forgiven.

DR. OBVIOUS MIRACLE DIET

Still searching for a diet that might work? Try this: eat fewer calories each day than your body needs. Sound too simple? Well, the latest research compared low-fat, low-carb and high-protein diets to each other and found that none of them are any more or less effective than any other diet. All that matters, concluded the researchers, is that you consume fewer calories than you use, no matter what you eat. Ingenious. (AP)

TAKE THIS GAME AND SHOVE IT

For those of you who still think arcade games are just for kids, think again. The Japanese have invented a game called Boong-Ga Boong-Ga in which you shove your finger up the butthole of a character of your choice and watch them writhe in pain. The video console comes complete with a prosthetic arse conveniently bent over and awaiting your finger insertion. After you shove it in there, the character's face on the video screen will twitch in pain and scream if you shove it in hard enough (bonus points are awarded for the hardest shoves). The game offers eight different characters for you to torment, including ex-girlfriend, ex-boyfriend, gangster, mother-in-law, gold digger, prostitute, child molester and con artist. (syberpunk.com)

TRY TO STAY ON THE GOOD SIDE OF YOUR FUTURE ROBOT MASTERS

As if you don't have enough to worry about, a report funded by the U.S. Navy has warned that the nightmare sci-fi scenario of robot soldiers turning on humans in the future is all too plausible. The report, titled "Autonomous Military Robotics: Risk, Ethics and Design," suggests that autonomous military robots must be programmed to live by some kind of strict warrior code in order to prevent seriously freaky scenarios in the future. "There is a common misconception that robots will do only what we have programmed them to do," wrote Patrick Lin, the chief compiler of the report. "Unfortunately, such a belief is sorely outdated ... there is little hope that the early generations of such systems and robots will be adequate, making mistakes that may cost human lives." ( Times Online)

SKYWAY ROBBERY

Of all the things you're going to reminisce about in the future, it'll be the simple things that you'll miss the most. Like going to the bathroom during a flight. Ireland's budget airline Ryanair disclosed last week that they have considered charging people to use their plane's toilets by putting a coin slot on their bathroom doors. "I don't think it's going to happen in the foreseeable future," said the airline's PR chief, but warned that, someday, it probably will. (BBC)

POST SOMETHING ON THE NET AND SEE IF ANYONE BELIEVES IT DAY

Still not so sure why you should beware the ides of March, but there are some other days this month that you better keep your head up for. Such as Be Nasty Day (March 8), Open an Umbrella Indoors Day (March 13), Everything You Think Is Wrong Day (March 15), Festival Of Extraterrestrial Abductions Day (March 20), Forgive Your Mom and Dad Day (March 18), and, of course, don't miss Make Up Your Own Holiday Day on March 26.

I-READ-IT-ON-THE-INTERNET-SO-IT-MUST-BE-TRUE FACT OF THE WEEK:

Giant squid eat each other during sex.

Way more bizarro news at curioustimes.com.

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