by Chris Grapes
It's your doody as a horticulturalist to give your plants the highest quality manure, and the El Korah Shrine Circus is handing it out for free. The show is filled with exotic beasts—like elephants, zebras and camels—but keeping such animals costs, ahem, a shitload. The circus pays hundreds of dollars a day to clear out the animal's leavings, so they're asking green-thumbed gardeners to stop them from getting backed up.
If you think your potted plants will benefit from a llama's loaf, just grab a suitable receptacle and make an urgent movement towards CenturyLink Arena Friday, June 21-Sunday, June 23. It's a crappy job, but you'll be boweled over by how good your strawberries come out. See any Shriner during circus hours (3-7 p.m. Friday, or 1-5 p.m. Saturday and Sunday) for more information. The manure will be available near the parking entrance off Capitol Blvd.
A word of warning to the exotic dung novice: Like a fine wine, manure needs to mature before it's ready. Throw it on too early and you'll flush your crops down the crapper, so leave it outside for a few months to let the forces of nature weather it down to an odorless compost.