by Josh Gross
As part of America's unending quest to stay classy, butthurt residents from 20 states launched official petitions on the White House website to secede from the United States. More than 100,000 people have signed so far.
But that raises the question of who petitions the petitioners?
Answer: whoever launched this petition.
It asks for anyone who signed any of the petitions for secession to be deported. And at the time of this writing, it has been signed by nearly 17,000 people. That's still a far cry from the 25,000 it needs to be "considered," by the Obama administration. But it's also more than the 4,000 or so dings dongs who signed the petition for Idaho to break off on its own.
Most likely, none of this will go anywhere. Which is good, because getting a new driver's license for a country that doesn't yet exist would be a total pain in the butt.