by Deanna Darr
I have long been a proponent of a theory that deer, moose and elk are waging a secret war on humanity—I like to call it the ungulate war.
Those unfortunate collisions between your car and a golden-beige blur of fur—not so accidental. They're actually kamikaze attacks carried out by an organized militia of woodland creatures bent on eliminating humanity one compact sedan at a time. Of course, I'm likely the only person to follow this theory, which is fortunate, considering I'm the one who made it up in the first place.
But once in awhile, there are incidents that seem to further support the existence of the great underground ungulate war (not that the ungulates are actually underground, because that would just be silly.) Case in point, a Southeastern Idaho woman was recently attacked by a buck mule deer that apparently broke the secrecy code.
According to a report by the Associated Press, the deer attacked the woman, Sue Panter, while she was taking a walk along a roadway near her home. While the deer gored her legs with its antlers, a man and his teenage daughter who were driving by saw the attack and came to help. The deer must have figured it had nothing to lose, so it attacked them as well. While the father wrestled the deer by the antlers, his daughter started punching it, giving Panter a chance to get away. The deer kept fighting until the daughter whacked it with a hammer.
After the deer finally took off, the daughter drove both Panter and her father (whose legs were punctured three times by the militant deer) to the hospital.
According the the AP story, wildlife officials theorize that the deer had been raised by humans, and lost its fear of them. Well, that or it was a secret agent tasked with infiltrating the human population until it could carry out a surprise attack.
Officials are trying to track the deer so it can be euthanized and tested for rabies and other diseases.