Hell Is An Apprentice Top Model

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It's nail-biting time in reality television world as the networks' top reality shows winnow down the contestants to just a handful of survivors.

I'll bet more than a few viewers are sore after losing the bet they placed on The Apprentice's Anand. The 31-year-old real estate investor was one of the few contestants left who looked like a solid player going into the cut for the final six and his unexpected booting from the show for violating the rules of the game was ... well, unexpected. To add insult to injury, the guy flat-out lied to Mr. Trump. Come on, dude, seriously. You think Donald Trump is going to call you out on cheating without having the evidence to show you? Note to future contestants: Don't lie to The Donald. He always knows.
At least we're finally rid of Sorority Puppy Dog Poppy. Now if we could just get rid of shrill and cocky Stephanie, I might make it through an episode without feeling the need to hit mute. For the record, my money is on Brandy. Watch Thursday at 9 p.m. on NBC.

Boises Chelsey Hersley: Pretty (and smart enough) to win.
  • Boise's Chelsey Hersley: Pretty (and smart enough) to win.
Tonight we'll see if Boise's America's Next Top Model rep Chelsey Hersley snaps a shot that'll keep her in Italy a while longer to duke it out in the top three. Though the Boise model has made it to the top four and is, week after week, the most knowledgeable when it comes to who's who in the fashion world, she's solidly third in line every week when Tyra does her "the next name I'm going to call ..." shtick. To stay in the game, all Chelsey has to do this week is snap a better photo than smartypants Jane, who is so much more Ralph Lauren than Versace, anyway. Tune in at 7 p.m. on the CW.

And, finally, after what seemed like eons, Hell's Kitchen is back. This one is also down to the final six after the bonehead move that got Vinny kicked off. He was my horse, but clearly I should've picked someone who wasn't going to get wasted in a hot tub the night before a big day and then completely fucking blow it on a VIP's lamb chops because his hangover got the best of him. Rookie move, Vinny, rookie move.
Now we're down to a field that looks pretty pathetic. The only one who is even remotely capable of both cooking and managing anything is Russell, but he's turned into such a colossal, overconfident asshole over the last few episodes ("It's gonna get grimy, bro" ... who even talks like that?) that I'd like to watch him take the walk of shame. And why is Sabrina still around? Her whine is worse than Stephanie's on The Apprentice. Ugh. Can you imagine being stuck in a room with the two of them for more than 10 minutes? Kill. Me. Dead. Catch the next kitchen disaster tonight at 8 p.m. on Fox.

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