by Josh Gross
Anyone who's ever read Katherine Dunn's award-winning masterpiece Geek Love, knows that flipper babies aren't just bad in a depressing sense, they're downright evil, and when left to their own devices they will form a cult of amputees and do all they can to defraud people using telekinesis.
And while many on the right feel that Reagan was instrumental in bringing down the Soviet Union and many in the Soviet Union credit The Beatles with their messages of love and freedom, the clear truth was that communism was destabilized by the plethora of evil flipper babies that came from Chernobyl.
I mention all of this since there is a new nuclear plant—a major source of flipper babies—being proposed near Idaho Falls. And while sure, nuclear technology has gotten better, disposal techniques for nuclear waste are pretty much exactly the same. That means the risks are still there.
So keeping that in mind, the question Idaho has to ask itself when considering a nuclear power plant is, despite being a state full of heavily armed survivalists, many of whom have been actively preparing for the hottentot swarms: are we capable of fighting back against evil superpowered flipper babies?
And that's exactly the question you should ask tonight, at the public input meeting for said nuclear power plant. Stand up and say, what about the threat of psychic flipper babies? Is your company prepared to compensate the taxpayers for their dastardly schemes? Cause they should be.
Also, you could ask things like why over $2 billion in federal subsidies are going to a French company. Or why such subsidies aren't refocused on solar or wind farms.
The meeting starts at 7 p.m. tonight at the Oxford Suites.
And if you don't go, then when the flipper babies come, you'll have no one to blame but yourself.