by Josh Gross
Scientific it isn't, but embarrassing it is. Recently released sales data from the condomania Web site, which sells custom-fit condoms in 76 sizes across the United States, ranks Idaho 34th in penis size, far far behind Oregon, which ranked No. 2. Portland and Seattle also both made the top 20 list for cities—Portland at No. 6 and Seattle at No. 11. New Orleans was ranked first.
If Dr. Strangelove worked for Butch Otter, I'm pretty sure he'd be banging his fist and ranting about not allowing a wang gap right about now.
Other interesting findings from the data include that blue states are bigger than red states, (bad news for ladies of bumper sticker repute) and that as far as cities go, Dallas is the teensiest of 'em all. Feel free to draw your own conclusions about the need for trucks and invading foreign countries.
From the report...
"These fitted condoms range in length from 3 to 10 inches and from super slim to extra roomy." says Chris Filkins, Condomania’s Directory of Technology. "After gathering detailed information on over 27,000 penises, we now have the most comprehensive database of penis sizes on the planet! Needless to say, these men's privacy is our utmost concern, and we're interested only in the statistics, and not who's who! But the data itself is pretty interesting."
"Unlike other studies in which participants were measuring their penis size solely for the sake of recording a measurement, and were perhaps more likely to exaggerate," says Filkins, "our database is comprised of men looking for the best fit condom for safety and comfort, and thus, we believe, apt to be more accurate." Filkins continues, "The customer satisfaction surveys we received overwhelmingly indicated that men of all sizes, but particularly those on either end of the size spectrum, benefited immensely from a properly fitting condom."
It's frustrating how legit that sound, innit? There's always the possibility Idaho's rankings were skewed because of low condom sales due to some of its more religious population, but it's still a pretty sad showing.
Regardless, Idaho studs can take solace knowing that they're still better off than their eastern neighbors, Wyoming, who finished dead last.