Today I did something I never do. I ate fast food. Aside from the strange grease- and sugar-induced euphoria I'm currently experiencing in my immediately post-lunch state (which I'm enjoying only because I know punishment is coming in the form of late afternoon food coma/gut ache), I'm feeling a serious pang of guilt. Guilt for eating more calories and fat grams in a single meal than I should consume all day without getting a single, solitary vitamin or nutrient out of the whole deal. Guilt for spending money on defiling my digestive system. Guilt for succumbing to the temptation. (Truth is, I've felt crappy all day and a crappy burger was the only thing that sounded edible. I know, I know ...)
But one laughable thing came out of the whole deal. While self-serving my huge-ganto sized soda cup from the do-it-yourself fountain, I noticed a sticker on the front of the machine with pictures of the fast-food joint's sandwiches. The pics were lined up in one of four vertical columns under the headings: Coke, Diet Coke, Sprite and Dr. Pepper. It took me a minute to figure out just what I was looking at, and then it took me another five minutes to stop laughing. The chart was a pairing guide for patrons concerned about appropriately matching their carbonated beverage with their food choices. You know, because Coke more effectively brings out the flavor of hormone-laden frozen burger patties than does the old D.P.