News » Curious Times

BIG DEAL, MY JESUS ICON DOES SHOTS OF TEQUILA • TIME FOR JANET JACKSON TO MOVE TO SWEDEN • GUILTY BY REASON OF INSANITY • LONG LIVE the PUPPETMASTERS • DON'T FORGET THE FREE SEX • GOOD LUCK REMEMBERIN

by

comment

BIG DEAL, MY JESUS ICON DOES SHOTS OF TEQUILA

India experienced another one of its episodes of mass hysteria last week as thousands of people flocked to temples after rumors spread that idols of Hindu gods were drinking milk offered by devotees. A mad crush of frenzied worshippers mobbed statues of Lord Shiva, Lord Krishna and Lord Ganesh in temples throughout northern India in order to be blessed by the miraculous turn of events. "It is amazing, Lord Ganesha drank milk from my hands. Now he will answer all my prayers," said one devotee in Kolkata. Of course, not everyone was impressed. Leave it to a geology professor to ruin the party, who explained to Reuters that "it is very natural for any stone idol to absorb any liquid and the older the stone the more it absorbs." (Reuters)

TIME FOR JANET JACKSON TO MOVE TO SWEDEN

Sweden's state television accidently showed its viewers five minutes of porn last week in the background of a news program. Viewers of the show could see explicit scenes from a Czech porn movie on the TV screen behind the anchorman. The excellent thing about this story is that while the incident sparked "enormous interest from media," the TV station did not receive a single complaint from viewers. (CNN)

GUILTY BY REASON OF INSANITY

At last we get an update on the Philippine judge who was suspended from his position last May after it was discovered that he talked to imaginary dwarves and believed that he could read the future and heal people (or make them sick). After reviewing his appeal of the suspension and a psychiatric test, Judge Florentino Floro has now been officially fired. The final ruling from the Supreme Court read, in part, "His insistence on the existence of 'dwarves,' among other beliefs, conflicts with the prevailing expectations concerning judicial behavior and manifests a mental state that should lay to rest any doubts about his valid removal from office for lack of the judicial temperament required of all those in the bench." I'll update this story again when the dwarf army takes its revenge. (AllHeadlineNews.com)

LONG LIVE the PUPPETMASTERS

If you're still worried about secret societies that control the world, why not take the attitude of Dilbert creator Scott Adams, who recently expressed the hope that there is indeed a small group of ultra-rich capitalists who secretly control the world. "The only way I can get to sleep at night is by imagining a secret cabal of highly competent puppetmasters who are handling the important decisions while our elected politicians debate flag burning and the definition of marriage," he muses, adding that "it's the only explanation for how the governments of the world could be staffed with morons and yet everything still runs OK, sort of. There must be some competent people pulling the strings behind the curtain, adjusting the money supply, twiddling with interest rates, choosing the winners for American Idol and that sort of thing." (DilbertBlog.typepad.com)

DON'T FORGET THE FREE SEX

An Austrian man was arrested last week while trying to break into prison. "Life is so much easier on the inside," explained Detlef Federsohn, 23. "They feed you, do your washing and let you watch TV, which I can tell you is a lot more than my mum does." (News.com.au)

GOOD LUCK REMEMBERING THESE TIPS WHEN YOU ACTUALLY NEED THEM

According to an article in Men's Health magazine titled "18 Tricks to Teach Your Body," you can cure a toothache by rubbing ice on the back of your hand, stop a room from spinning (if you're drunk) by putting one hand on something stable, and reduce the pain of a brainfreeze by pressing your tongue against the roof of your mouth.

HISTORICAL FACTS WE DIDN'T NEED TO KNOW

Michael Newton, author of The Encyclopedia Of Serial Killers, claims that the first recorded serial killer was a woman in the time of the Roman Empire, and that she was punished with rape by "specially-trained giraffes." He also contends that Brazilian and Argentinian secret police used "specially-trained dogs" for similarly obscene punishments as recently as the 1970s.

Get more news at CuriousTimes.com.

Add a comment

Note: Comments are limited to 200 words.