To whatever newpaper owner or lame-stream midiot editer who hired the crap sanwhich named Bill Cope:
If you ever expect me to ever buy your sissy rag again which goes by the name Boise "Weak"-ly, you have to fire Bill Cope immediadley. And I'll tell you why. He is like a faucet that drips all the time into a noisy tin sink, except he is dripping instead of water the most stinking cat puke of his opinions as I have ever heard. He is so unAmerican I bet he belongs to the Muslin Brotherhood or the Black Panthers or something which wants to change our country into Sweden or someplace like that. I hate Cope worse than I hate Barrack Hussane Obama and that's because Barrack Husane Obama probably can't even help what he is because he was raised to hate America like Rush Limbauhg expalined. But Cope was raised in Meridian. He has no excuse.
It seems like nothing is off limits to Cope's illogic sicko brain. Whoever in our great country is a great patriot, Cope talks about them like they were no more than toilet seats for him to drip on. Wayne LaPiere. Ted Nugent. Mitchelle Bachman. George Bush. They all are smeared by that Cope. I think he is a traider to this great country. If you ask me.
And now, he is wanting us to vote for Barrack Hussane Obama again, which I think should be empeached. For months, Cope has thrown his sicko libtard "humer" at all the Republican candadites from Donald Trump to Rick Sanitorum, and now he is throwing the same sick libtard "humer" at Mitt Rommey. I makes me sick!!! He has made fun of Mitt Rommey's LDSism, his wive's dancing horse, his flip-fopping, his Levis and even his singing. I am just holding my breath until he starts making fun of Mitt Rommey's tax returns which are none of anybodie's business especially Cope's. Or the time Mitt Rommey spent working at Ban Capitol, which goes to show what a succesful businessman Mitt Rommey was.
Cope is a pathetic excuse of a writor, too. Sometimes I can't because of his lack of writing ability make sense of where a sentence begins he writes or when he is done writing it ends. I even think he makes up words. Whoever heard of 'hierarchy" or "chimereal" anyway? I get all rawfed up just thinking about it.
So if you don't fire him, I will boycot all the places who advertize in your crappy newspaper, and that includes every restrawnt and artselling joint and even that Alive After Five place, where ever that is. I think Idaho can do just fine without Bill Cope's opinions, and all my friends think so too. There are at least three of us who think that way, and that's just in Parma. So you'd better fire Cope if you want your sissy newspaper to survive.
--Signed: Dick from Parma.
Ah Dear Dick,
Always a treat hearing from you, even when it's not me to whom you're actually writing. I understand you intended your letter to reach the upper spheres of BW's administrative hierarchy, but my "lame-stream midiot editer" passed it on to me without the newpaper owner ever seeing it. It came with the instruction, "This guy is your chimera, Cope. You answer him!" I guess you're stuck with me, buddy.
But on to the Mitt. (Incidentally Dick, if you examine his surname closely, I believe you'll discover it is "Romney," not "Rommey.") I know I've had lots of fun with all of the GOP candidates, including the presumptive nominee. But gee willikers, you Republicans didn't expect us to take them seriously, did you? And Mitt? Hey, it wasn't me who made him up. He's one of your imaginary friends, not mine.
As to his tax records, both Democrats and Republicans have suggested Romney has refused to release his tax records because there must be information within those records that would further damage his credibility--whatever remains of it, that is. However, I have a theory about his position which does not float smoothly in the current thought-stream. What if, instead of the common opinion that the Obama camp has Romney over a barrel with the tax-returns issue, he actually has the Obama campaign over the barrel? What if Romney understands that the president's men can't move on to all the other damaging stuff they have until they've done all they can to him over his refusal to release the returns? For instance, what if the Obama people have the family of that kid Romney bullied in school ready to tell what his spoiled rich brat behavior did to their son? What if they have ex-Olympic officials on tap to tell exactly how Romney allegedly "fixed" the Salt Lake City games that were already plagued by charges of corruption and bribery?
See what I'm saying, Parma Dick? Certainly, Romney's stubbornness on the tax records is hurting him. But does he fear other stuff--worse stuff--is out there that we might be talking about? That's my theory, that he is so terrified of what might rise to center stage, he prefers to keep the conversation revolving around his questionable tax history and the millions he's squirreled away in foreign tax havens, even if it's turned his campaign into a shambles?
Now Dick, you feel free to write any time you get all rawfed up about things, even if it's me you're all rawfed up about. (By the way, you didn't mention your wife Belinda this time. I do hope it's not because she's run off with another calf-roper.)